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The Simpsons: Tapped Out Itchy & Scratchy Land content update/Prizes and Craftable Gameplay
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Itchy and Scratchy Helicopter[edit]
After unlocking Itchy and Scratchy Helicopter:
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Come on, Mom! Let's tour the park aboard the Itchy & Scratchy Helicopter!
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I don't know...some of those decorations seem slapped on without regard to aerodynamics.
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Aerody-what-ics? What a funny word! Did you just make that up?
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Must...abandon ship...seatbelt...won't unbuckle...
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Task: Tap the Itchy & Scratchy Helicopter
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That was definitely my last helicopter ride.
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And my first!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Roger Meyers Sr. Statue[edit]
After unlocking Roger Meyers Sr. Statue:
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The Roger Meyers Sr. Statue celebrates the life of America's most lovable entertainer.
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Lovable? Many of his movies used racial stereotypes for comic relief.
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And there was his collaboration with the House Un-American Activities Committee.
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Not to mention his relentless union-busting, which to this day leaves animators woefully underpaid for their work.
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...
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Okay, take down the statue!
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No, no, leave it up. I'm just saying...
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Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People[edit]
Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 1[edit]
After tapping on Diane's exclamation mark:
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My job title may say I'm a network programming executive, but really, I'm the head of a family.
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I surround myself with extraordinary minds. Doers. People who actualize what others only ideate.
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And, most importantly, people who I can stick the blame on when our ratings are in the toilet.
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NO ONE thinks firing people isn't fun, but firing family? There's nothing quite like it.
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Task: Make Diane Go on a Firing Spree (8h)
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And...the town's unemployment rate creeps over 30%. Wonderful.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 2[edit]
After tapping on Diane's exclamation mark:
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Ahhhh...I love that post-firing-spree glow. Colors just seem brighter after you've crushed dreams.
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You ARE planning on filling those vacancies with other Springfielders, correct?
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Of course! But first, I have a drinks meeting scheduled with some of my subordinates.
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...who you just fired...
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When you love meetings as much as I do, it doesn't even matter if you're alone.
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Task: Build Moe's Tavern Task: Make Diane Enjoy Cocktail Hour (4h, Moe's Tavern or Brown House)
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Eww. I thought I ordered a Manhattan.
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They have watered-down ethanol in Manhattan!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 3[edit]
After tapping on Diane's exclamation mark:
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A successful TV executive is ALWAYS on the hunt for original show ideas.
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Sometimes you'll be tempted to copy an idea from another network, and give it a twist.
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But that's a fool's errand: if the idea works, it doesn't NEED a twist. Duh!
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Just change the title, cast Matthew Perry in it, and you're good to go!
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Task: Make Diane Come up With "Original" Programming (4h)
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This fall, Matthew Perry IS... Danny Storm, Uncle of Dragons, in... "Contest of Chairs!"
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Genius!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 4[edit]
After tapping on Diane's exclamation mark:
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Now that I've created a sure-fire hit, it's time to hire some folks to blame it on when it bombs.
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Yes, good! New jobs I can take credit for creating!
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I need highly-qualified fall guys.
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Lady, that's all we got.
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Task: Make Diane Host Interviews (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) Task: Make Springfielders Apply for Jobs [x5] (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
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Homer, why should I hire you for this job?
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Because this is one of only three jobs I've never had before. The others being lead gaffer and Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
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Are you plugged in to the zeitgeist? How "up" are you on pop culture?
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Hmmm... I'd have to say "extremely".
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 5[edit]
After tapping on Diane's exclamation mark:
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So Mr. Simpson, let me explain your responsibilities as my new V.P. of Current Programming.
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Oh, I wouldn't bother.
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How do you expect to do your job if you don't know what it is?
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I don't expect to do it at all. But don't worry. I always end up in the middle of the action.
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Often for really half-baked reasons. It's called lazy writing, and it seems to work to my benefit.
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Task: Make Homer Be in the Thick of Things, Somehow (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House)
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Homer, you're fired.
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'Bout time, idiot!
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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I'm Also Named Bort[edit]
I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 1[edit]
After tapping on Bort's exclamation mark:
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Look, Mommy! The gift shop has license plates with MY name on them!
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Can I have a "Bort" license plate, Mommy? Mommy?
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Where'd you go, Mommy?
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Task: Make Bort Cry for Mommy (4h, Shop)
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Hey, why are you crying, kid?
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I've lost my Mommy. And I really want her to buy me a Bort license plate.
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Yeah, you almost never see those in stock. There are so many people named Bort these days.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 2[edit]
After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark:
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Did you say your name is "Bort"? That's funny, because my best friend is named Bart.
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"Bart"? Is that even a real name?
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I 'unno. I'll admit, "Bort" seems like a hipper, fresher take on the whole "B*rt" genre.
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Maybe if we shop for Bort merch together, people will think I'm a Bort, too. I'd like that.
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Do you think your friend Bart will be jealous?
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Who? Oh, that guy. Ever since I met you, Bort, I'd kinda forgotten all about him.
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Task: Make Bort Get Bort Merch (4h, Shops) On job start:
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Dang it! They got a new shipment of "Bort" mugs in this morning, and they're already sold out.
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Kids, be careful. With all these Borts around and no Bort merch, we could be looking at a riot.
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We just can't keep up with the demand. Build another factory in China. Tell them to make nothing but Bort merch, twenty-four seven.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 3[edit]
After tapping on Milhouse's exclamation mark:
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Bart, meet Bort.
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"Bort"? Did the nurse misspell your name on the birth certificate?
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Bort is the single most popular boy's name in America. And the third most popular girl's name.
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Want proof? I've got tons of stuff with my name on it.
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Task: Make Bort Proudly Display Bort Merch (4h) On job start:
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If Bort is so popular, name me ONE famous Bort.
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Okay... there's Packers legend Bort Starr, gymnast Bort Conner, linebacker Bort Scott...
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Those are all Barts!
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They WERE. But when Bort totally blew up, they all had their names legally changed.
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Get with the times, man.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 4[edit]
After tapping on Willie's exclamation mark:
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Somebody burned the word "Bort" into the school lawn!
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There's "El Borto Was Here" graffiti all over town!
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Do you know how many Borts there are in Springfield? It could be any one of thousands of suspects!
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See, Bart? Your time is past.
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The Age of Bort is here!
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Task: Make Bort Throw His Name Around (1h)
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There never has been, and never will be, anyone named "Bort".
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Actually, as of this morning, Seymour Skinner is no more. Call me Bort.
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And me!
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And me.
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Obviously, that means I'm going with Bort as well.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 5[edit]
After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark:
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Okay, fine! I'm a dinosaur! A relic of a Bart-friendly world that no longer exists.
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Don't feel too bad, Bart. You never really had a chance.
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Not when there's a name out there that's as beautiful, as evocative, as "Bort".
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Task: Make Bort Hug Bart (1h, Simpson Home, Bart) On job start:
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Simpson, get your hands off Bort.
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Whatever you say, Bort.
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Bort? Oh, yes, I was briefly named Bort. But that name is soooo uncool now. Now everyone's going with Birt.
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Bort is uncool?
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On job end:
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Blow up the "Bort" factory and open two new ones dedicated to the hottest license plate name out there, Birt.
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I can't believe it. The Age of Bort is over.
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Well, you made the most of it: you were a real jerk while you could be. I respect that.
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I just met this AWESOME kid named Birt. He's so freaking cool. Later, losers!
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Child Care Center[edit]
After building Child Care Center:
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Ball pit! Let's do it!
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*suck* *suck*
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Homer, there's a sign on the wall which reads: "CHILDREN ONLY".
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Which you've just removed...
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Wee-hee!
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Task: Make Homer Test Ball Room in Child Care Center (4h, Child Care Center) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Comedic and Unusual Punishment[edit]
Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 1[edit]
After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark:
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SIR! YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR?
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Corporal, I like you. You work cheap.
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More importantly, you don't seem to REALIZE you work cheap. I want you to be my new sidekick.
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WOULD THE CLOWN LIKE ME TO "ELIMINATE" SIDESHOW MEL?
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Ew, no.
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Not yet, anyway. Maybe later. Almost certainly later. Anyway, let's see a smile there, soldier.
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Task: Make Corporal Punishment Struggle to Smile (4h, Krustylu Studios or Brown House) On job start:
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Oh God, that was horrifying!
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Why did I hear creaking and popping noises when you tried to smile?
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SIR, I HAVE NEVER USED MY SMILING MUSCLES BEFORE, SIR!
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Can we turn down the volume, please?
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Sir, yes, sir.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 2[edit]
After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark:
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You've obviously forgotten what it's like to be a kid. Let's practice. Play with these hand puppets.
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How shall I play with the puppets, sir?
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Just make up a scene: a tea party, a ball game, or a silly cowboy adventure!
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Making up scene now, sir.
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"Captain Puppet, sir! The Nazis have broken through our lines! They're using some kind of chemical weapon!"
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"It's eating my skin! Auugghh! Auuugghhhh! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!"
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...
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Task: Make Corporal Punishment Play With Hand Puppets (4h, Krustylu Studios or Brown House)
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"Dead. All dead. These men were the only family I've ever known, and those Nazi SCUM took them from me."
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"I want BLOOD."
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Am I playing with puppets correctly, sir?
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Sure. The kids in my audience love stories about the horror and futility of war.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 3[edit]
After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark:
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I'll make you an entertainer yet, Corporal. Let's try some stand-up comedy.
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Every great stand-up has a funny stage persona. What do you think your persona should be?
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Humorless giant who considers comedy a waste of time?
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Well, I haven't seen it before...
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Task: Make Corporal Punishment Practice Stand-up Comedy (8h, Visible or Visible at Krustylu Studios) On job start:
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I gotta tell ya, the fastest way to clear a village of armed insurgents is to ask them to take a BATH.
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That, or call in a coordinated strike of Boeing AH-64 Apache ATTACK HELICOPTERS.
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Ughhhhh...
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 4[edit]
After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark:
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You're the worst stand-up I've ever seen. You've got no talent, no material, and no timing.
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As far as I can see, there's no aspect of entertainment you do well.
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Which makes you the perfect clown. Trust me on this.
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Task: Make Corporal Punishment Try to Clown Around (8h)
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Clowning mission successful, commander. All japes and gags present and accounted for.
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Actually, that was pretty good. Which makes you a threat to me.
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If you ever pick up a pie again, you're fired.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 5[edit]
After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark:
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I've got it! You're not funny, Corporal, but you ARE funny-looking.
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Sir, thank you, sir!
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Imagine a hunk of vibranium like you petting an adorable little kitten, and saying: "I wuv my wittle kitty." It'll kill!
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My mission is to kill a kitten?
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No, that's probably a downer. Let's try it first without the killing.
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Task: Make Corporal Punishment Cuddle a Kitten (2h, Krustylu Studios or Brown House)
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I wuv my wittle kitty.
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Aww, the kids love you! I'm a genius!
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When do I terminate the kitten?
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Never! Never kill a bit that's working. Just keep doing it over and over, for years, and years, and years...
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
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Roller Coaster Weirdos[edit]
After placing Roller Coaster Weirdos:
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Task: Tap Roller Coaster Weirdos Quest reward: 100 and 10
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