...Nelson Muntz's Guide to Grown-Up Nerds/Quotes
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- Nelson Muntz: Good evening. I'm Nelson Muntz, bully and tormentor extraordinaire. Not all dweebs, geeks, and poindexters are sitting in class next to you eating paste, picking their nose, or rearranging the pens in their pocket protectors. Not by a long shot. The nerds of yesterday grow up into the bigger, dorkier nerds of today. So sit back as I take you on a fascinating journey through Springfield in... ...Nelson Muntz's guide to grown-up nerds.
- Gil Gunderson: Aw, c'mon, help Ol' Gil out, will ya? What do you need? A vacuum cleaner? Encyclopedias? How about a vacuum cleaner with a list of all the U.S. presidents on the side? Nothing says "clean" like Herbert Hoover. Hey, I'm dyin' here.
- Herman Hermann: Sorry, kid, we can't sell real weapons in a military surplus store, but can I interest you in a hanky that was once used by Napoleon Bonaparte? No? You kids got no sense of history.
- Grampa: When I was a lad, we'd dress up as pilgrims for the Fourth of July to commemorate St. Valentine, and if we caught a leprechaun and ate him, there'd be four more weeks of Winter. You kids ain't got no respect for holidays no more!
- Comic Book Guy: I find your lack of appreciation for "The Avengers" continuity appalling in the extreme. Clearly, today's educational system is about as effective as Ben Affleck's one-dimensional portrayal of Daredevil. Now get out of my store before you downgrade that copy of "Green Lantern vs. Dick Cheney" from near mind to fine condition with your sweaty fingerprints.
- Elizabeth Hoover: I'm not your mommy, and I don't know the answers to the quiz. I only know that yours are wrong. I don't know why your grades are slipping. Now let's just run out the clock and stare into space for the last twenty minutes of the school day.
- Chief Wiggum: Never break the law, kid, or you'll regret it. The law is all about personal responsibility. Hey, you see my gun anywhere? I thought I left it here. Oh well, it'll turn up.
- Otto Mann: When I was a little dude, I never studied and look where I am! I can eat whatever I want! (When I have the money.) And I can travel all over the world! (If I had any money.) I could've done anything with my life, if... ...uh... what were we talkin' 'bout again?
- Mr. Burns: Why are you squandering all your time with play and happiness? That won't get you any richer! If you don't start pinching every penny now, you'll never afford a cavernous, empty mansion to rattle around in during your final days!
- Edna Krabappel: So alone... So very alone.
- Nelson: It is only through the study of nerds both past and present that we can truly understand and bully them. I'm Nelson Muntz. Good night.
