List of vulgar words

[Feather gracefully falls down, coming in to view of Homer sitting on a park bench holding a box of chocolates, mimicking Forest Gump. It falls in front of Homer, mesmerizing him, but then stabs him in the eye, making him scream. He pulls it out and let's it float away, but comes back and stabs him in the other eye, making him grab it and throw it to the ground. Chief Wiggum walks over and Homer opens his chocolates.]

Homer Simpson: Want a chocolate?

Chief Wiggum: Hold it right there, Forrest Klump. This town has laws against impersonating movie characters.

Moe Syzslak: [dressed as Austin Powers] Oh, behave!

[Moe is taken to the back of a police truck by Eddie and Lou. Dr. Hibbert is there.]

Dr. Hibbert: Luke, I am your father. [laughs]

Moe: Shagadelic.

Chief Wiggum: What are you doing here, anyway?

Homer: Waiting for my wife. She has a surprise for me.

Chief Wiggum: Hey hey hey, I didn't ask for your life story.

Homer: Did you say life story?

[flash back to a baby Homer in his mother's stomach, with one eye. He swims around.]

Homer: [voiceover] Things started out great. I ate what my mother ate. And my mother ate chili. Then, suddenly...

[Water in the belly drains and the baby, now with two eyes, starts screaming and pulling at his umbilical cord, eventually breaking it, then being pulled out of the belly. Flash back to Chief Wiggum and Homer.]

Chief Wiggum: Wow, tell me some more.

Homer: Don't you have criminals to catch?

Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm working on it. We, uh, we got an undercover guy who's infiltrating the mob. Ah, there he is now.

[A nervous-looking man is standing next to Fat Tony.]

Chief Wiggum: Hey, Pete, Pete!

[Fat Tony and the man turn around.]

Chief Wiggum: They fixed the Coke machine.

[Pete starts grinning as Fat Tony eyes him suspiciously.]

Chief Wiggum: Now, where were we?

Homer: My father and I were never really close.

[Flash back to Abe reading Homer a bedtime story.]

Abe Simpson: Jack and Jill went up the hill and... [licks finger and turns page] Jill came tumbling after. The end. Good night.

Homer: Is that the same Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk?

Abe: You know, son, I believe it is.

Homer: And Jack Sprat, is that him too?

Abe: Say, how about a little night well?

Homer: [drinks alcohol] All gone. Mmm..

Homer: [voiceover] I never found true happiness, until I met Marge.

[Flash back to Homer and Marge's college days.]

Marge: Excuse me, is this Room 106?

Barney Gumble: Hey, who's that?

Homer: I... I don't know.

[Close to You is heard as Homer and Marge first look at each other.]

Barney: Hey, would you like to go--

[Homer covers Barney's mouth.]

Homer: She's mine!

[Cut to older Marge and Homer dancing.]

Homer: [voiceover] We do everything together.

[Mental House Rock plays as Homer spins Marge by her hair, then Marge spins Homer by his leg, then Homer spins Marge by her hair again. They run up to a wall and flip, then begin dancing again. Homer throws Marge up, but she doesn't come down, instead she comes in through the front door. They continue dancing.]

Marge: Wow, a 50's nostalgia café!

Man: Well well well, I've never seen such reckless disregard for a wife's well being in my life. You just won yourselves a motorcycle!

Homer: Woohoo!

Cut to naked Homer and Marge with garden ornaments covering their genitals.]

Homer: [voiceover] And life just gets more exciting!

Homer: [looks down] Marge, can we trade? I don't trust these guys.

Marge: We've got to get home before someone sees us!

Homer: You know, all this danger is kind of a turn--

[Marge frowns and shrugs him off.]

Homer: OK.

[Cut back to Chief Wiggum and Homer.]

Homer: Then came the day that changes every couple forever: the day we got our elephant.

[Flash back to the Simpson house. Marge walks past, yawning.]

3:36 on WTSO