Difference between revisions of "Bye, Bye, Nerdie/Quotes"

Revision as of 14:21, May 25, 2012

Marge: Ah! Homer, you're still here? You should have left for work an hour ago.

Homer: They said if I come in late for work again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance.

Marge: Stop! Stoooop!

Otto: Oh, you wanna drag?

Marge: (gasps) Hrmmm. I'm not racing! It's me, Marge Simpson!

Otto: No, you eat my dust!

Terri: Red hair?

Sherri: What's she trying to pull?

Janey: Those shoes look Canadian.

Boy with orthodontic headgear: She'll never fit in.

Lisa: Oh, it's tough being the new kid. Someone should go talk to her.

Bart: Yeah, somebody should. (looking out of window) One-hour dry cleaner? Man, that's fast.

Sales lady (as door is be-ing opened): Your baby is dead... (Marge and Homer gasp) ...that's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of death-traps lurking in the average American home. (she hands Marge a business card)

Marge: "Springfield Baby-Proofing"?

Homer: You... you really scared us!

Sales lady: Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby Maggie Simpson, is dead... (Marge and Homer gasp) ...tired of baby-proofers who don't provide a free estimate.

(the sales lady puts on a baby bonnet)

Sales lady: Now, pretend I'm a baby.

(she starts to crawl around the kitchen floor, making baby noises)

Sales lady: Goo, goo. Me wike to expwore!

Homer: (to Marge) That's a pretty big caboose for a baby.

Marge: Homer, don't be... wow, that is huge!

(in fact the whole scene of her as a baby should be put here but it is too long)

Sales lady: Okay, with the window bars, toilet latches, dingo alarm and grapefruit squirt shield, your total cost would be... wow, I'm rich!

Marge: Why don't you try reaching out to this new girl? See if you two have a common interest.

Lisa: Hmm. Well, lots of people like jazz fusion. (she pulls out her sax and demonstrates)

Marge: Okay, that's in the maybe file. What if you two bond over your Malibu Stacy dolls?

Lisa: They're not dolls, they're aspiration figures.

Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. (he begins to draw)

Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies.

Homer: (ominously) She will be.

Homer: Now, do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every three minutes.

Marge: I'm the one who told you that!

Homer: Yeah, but this is me talkin'. Look! I already encased the phone in concrete.

Marge: How are you supposed to dial?

Homer: Reach into these holes. I use a carrot.

Marge: Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous?

Homer: Baby could order poison!

Lisa: Would you bullies be interested in some body guard work?

Nelson: Oh, this is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection.

Dolph: We're offering a recess and lunch package that's very affordable.

Nelson: Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch.

Dolph: And sometimes we fall in love.

(the bullies sigh)

Lisa: Wow, there's so much I don't understand about bullying.

Nelson: Yeah, there's a lot of history there. Did you know is predates agriculture?

Lisa: I just don't understand Francine's motivation. Why does she only go after the smart ones?

Nelson: That's like asking the square root of a million... no one will ever know.

Lisa: Willie, I need to see the school security tapes.

Willie: Security tapes? There's no security tapes!

Lisa: (pointing at a camera) It's hard to miss the cameras.

Willie: Aye. Willie's a stinkin' liar.

Lisa: Why does the school need to watch us all the time?

Willie: School?

(Milhouse, Martin and Database, all shirtless, are exercising on StairMasters)

Lisa: Come on people! Move it! I want to see some sweat!

Martin: I'm not mastering another step until you explain the purpose of this monstrous experiment.

Lisa: I believe the key to bully-nerd antagonism lies in your drippings.

Martin: Then I shall drip like a pot roast.

Lisa: Excellent. Now don't mind the squeegee.

(she scrapes sweat off of Martin's body)

Principal Skinner: Thank you, Drederick Tatum. That was truly a K.O. - Knockout Oration. Heh.

Edna Krabappel: (flirting) Need a ride home?

Drederick Tatum: You really don't want that. Trust me.

Lisa: Mr. Tatum, do you mind if I swab you with this damp rag?

Drederick Tatum: No, not at all. Swab away.

(Lisa pulls out a beaker and starts pouring something onto the rag)

Drederick: Whoa, whoa! Nobody mentioned a beaker.

Lisa: Please? It's for science.

Drederick: Oh, for science! In that case, proceed.

Scientist: The Problem? UFOs! (holds up a fake UFO on a string) The solution? This! (cuts string)

Marge (watching): That's quite an act to follow, Lisa.

Lisa (stepping onto stage): I know, and the crowd is so distinguished. The inventor of the walkie-talkie is out there.

Marge (stepping after her): Where?

Lisa: Third row, near the aisle.

Marge: (gasps) Ooh, you're right. And that's not his wife.

Lisa: But why do the bullies prey on the brainy? Is it jealousy? (the scientists murmur assent) No! The reason is chemical.

(the scientists murmur disagreement)

Male researcher: Tha-that's impossible! Chemicals are our friends.

Dr. C. Everett Koop: She's a witch!

Lisa: I have isolated the chemical which is emitted by every geek, dork and four-eyes. I call is "Poindextrose".

(when Lisa shows off her Bully repellent)

Scientist: The little girl's invented some kind of bully repellent!

Lisa: (holding up an atomizer) Actually, it's just ordinary salad dressing.

Marge: So that's where that went.

Lisa: The pungent vinegar and tangy Roquefort blocked the smell receptors, rendering the bully harmless.

Homer: So all her bullying was just to get some attention.

Lisa: No, Dad! Didn't you listen to anything I said?

Homer: Just to get some attention.

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