Bring Your Parents to School Day/Quotes

Quotes

Principal Skinner: [on intercom] Welcome, everyone, to "Bring Your Parents to School" day.

Agnes Skinner: [also on intercom, interrupting] Seymour, sit up straight and enunciate your words.

Principal Skinner: [apparently struggling with Agnes for control of the mike] Mother, I'm talking ... Let go, Mother.

Agnes Skinner: Now you're spitting all over the microphone!

Principal Skinner: [indignant] I am not spitting!

[Everyone in the classroom laughs, except Mrs. Krabappel, who looks annoyed.]

[As the school day gets underway at 8 a.m., Bart gives Homer the lowdown on how to behave in class.]

Bart: Just don't make eye contact with the teacher. That's how I make it through the day without having to answer questions. And above all else, don't embarrass me!

Homer: No worries, boy. It'll be like shooting pork in a barrel.

[At 9 a.m., Homer has interrupted a class discussion to go on a tirade about Gilligan's Island.]

Homer: You'd want to get off that island too if some fat guy kept hitting you with his hat and calling you his "Little Buddy"?!

[everyone in the classroom laughs, except ...]

Bart: [embarrassed, envisioning Homer as an ape] Dad! We're talking about the War of 1812.

[An hour later, Homer has again interrupted the discussion, this time to tell a fart joke.]

Homer: [finishing his joke] ... and then I said, "Listen, Barney, whoever smelt it, dealt it!" [laughing loudly] Wha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

[Unlike Homer's previous interruption, no one is laughing this time.]

Bart: [pleading, mortified, envisioning Homer as a braying donkey] Homer, shut up!

[tt's now 11 a.m. and Homer needs a bathroom break, but he has a problem.]

Homer: [struggling to get up from his desk] Help, Bart! Help! I'm stuck, and I have to go to the little boys' room!

[now seeing Homer as an elephant, Bart puts his head in his hands and groans.]

[lunchtime has come and gone for most of the school, but not for Homer, even though it's now 1 p.m. With his back to the room, he bends over a bowl full of food scraps and eagerly devours them.]

Homer: Can you believe it? [snarfs down a mouthful of scraps] The lunch lady was going to throw all these leftovers away! [snorts] What a sweet deal! [burps]

[Everyone in the room is disgusted with Homer, including Ned Flanders, who holds up a cross in a warding-off gesture directed at Homer's posterior. Bart is not only disgusted but also even more embarrassed, as he now envisions Homer as a pig.]

[By 2 p.m., Homer has fallen asleep and is snoring loudly, annoying everyone in the room. Bart, with his head down on his desk, now sees Homer as a hibernating bear.]

Bart: Will this day never end?

[The next day, Mrs. Krabappel returns some graded reports to the class. Bart's has received a grade of C+.]

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, I must say I'm surprised how well you did on your report on "The Similarities between Man and Beast"!

Bart: [sheepishly] Let's just say I had some unexpected inspiration, Mrs. K.