A Brand New Burns, Part One!/Quotes
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- Dr. Hibbert: My, my. We call this evel knievel syndrome. You've broken every single brone in your body. Even those teeny-tiny ones inside your ears. Haven't heard of that one since medical school. Ah hee hee hee.
- Mr. Burns: I want only the best surgeons and osteopaths.
- Dr. Hibbert: Well, I...
- Mr. Burns: Let's not forget who paid for the Montgomery Burns wing of this hospital.
- Dr. Hibbert: I'm not likely to do that, Mr. Burns... ...I only wish you'd let other patients use it.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers?
- Artie Ziff: Pipe down! Some of us are trying to siesta.
- Mr. Burns: What is this place? Where is my morning fruit tonic?
- Artie Ziff: Wow. You're Montgomery Burns!
- Mr. Burns: And your voice is like chewing tinfoil.
- Artie Ziff: I'm Artie Ziff. A billionaire like you.
- Mr. Burns: A software billionaire. That's hardly counts. What is this hospital garment made of? It's chafing me raw.
- Artie Ziff: This isn't a hospital, Burns! It's a sweatshop in Mexico!
- Mr. Burns: I think I own a few of those...
- Artie Ziff: We all came to Rancho Segundo Posibildad for a tone up, but it's really a scam. We're being held prisoner here while trained actors, posing as our newley rejuvenated selves, return to our homes and liquidate our fortunes!
- Mr. Burns: Every night is chili night, you hayseed clabber-head.
- Artie Ziff: Oh look, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are at it again.
- Bill Gates: Windows!
- Steve Jobs: Mac!
- Bill Gates: Windows!
- Steve Jobs: Mac!
- Bill Gates: Grrr!
- Steve Jobs: Arrgh!
- Mr. Burns: Smithers... ...where are you?
- Bart: Will you look at that?
- Milhouse Van Houten: I never thought I'd see one.
- Ralph Wiggum: I look like a piggie.
- Bart: A Radioactive Man 100-page gargantua #3!
- Milhouse: One of the few copies not pulped when the comic was printed without Morty Mann's credit line.
- Ralph: Oink! Oink!
- Comic Book Guy: And worth more than a dilithium crystal in the neutral zone.
- Bart: And the dollar amount, geekatron?
- Comic Book Guy: Four hundred bucks.
- Homer: Lisa, you know science and stuff. Can you help me?
- Lisa: You can't do it yourself?
- Homer: Without pictures and an instructional video?
- Lisa: "... place flavor packets in li'l Billy Beerbelly's head cacity..."
- Homer: Yes? yesyesyes?
- Bart: Hey, Einstein and clueless... there' more directions in here.
- Lisa: It's a desperate plea for help from... Mr. Burns? "I am currently being held captive in a Mexican sweatshop..."
- Homer: That's completely impossible.
- Lisa: He uses the word "Widdershins."
- Homer: Oh my god! I have to rescue Mr. Burns!
