Treehouse of Horror XII/Quotes
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Hex and the City
- [Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]
- Homer: "The perfect crime. [suddenly serious] Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday."
- Gypsy: "I sense I should not take ... a check!" [glares at Homer]
- [At the bar, Moe suggests that Homer use a Leprechaun to get rid of the Gypsy's curse.]
- Carl: "You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun fixed that right up."
- Lenny: "Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns."
- Carl: "Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun."
- [The Leprechaun and the Gypsy have just gotten married. Marge and Homer are at the wedding.]
- Marge: "The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here."
- Homer: "Yep. Everything worked out for the best."
- Marge: "What?! Bart is dead!"
- Homer: "Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back."
- Marge: "The Gypsy said it would."
- Homer: [stubbornly] "She's not the boss of me."
House of Whacks
Wiz Kids
- [At Springwart's School of Magicry ...]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads."
- [The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]
- Milhouse: [waving wand over toad] "Slimy Prince Limey!" [His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]
- Drunken Prince: [to Mrs. Krabappel] "Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then." [puckers up]
- Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffing] "You call that charming?" [She moves on to Lisa.]
- Lisa: [waving wand] "Hocus-croakus!" [Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. [aside to Lisa's prince] And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast." [She giggles.]
- Handsome Prince: [gulping and chuckling nervously] "Yes, rather."
- [Mrs. Krabappel moves on to Bart's desk.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or [sarcastically] did your fairy godmother die again?"
- Bart: "I studied! [waves wand hesitantly] Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy?" [His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature."
- Toad-Prince Creature: "Please kill me."
- [In his lair, Lord Montymort spies on the classroom.]
- Montymort: "Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers!" [Slithers enters.]
- Slithers: "Yes, Lord Montymort?"
- Montymort: "Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo."
- [Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]
- Ralph: [laughing] "Dying tickles!"
- [At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]
- Principal Skinner: [murmuring] "That was terrible. [louder, to the audience] I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!"
- [Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]
- Skinner: "A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!"
- Audience: "Eeeeeewwwwwww!!"
- [Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]
