Difference between revisions of "We're Not in Equalia Anymore"

Revision as of 13:54, June 13, 2024

We're Not in Equalia Anymore is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Queen Helvetica content update. It requires Queen Helvetica to be obtained.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark Hello, Springfield! It is I, Queen Helvetica, ruler of the Kingdom of Equalia! Equalia is a land of tolerance and equal rights for all! Wait. If you’re the queen, then it’s not TOTALLY equal, is it? Well, SOMEONE needs to be queen. You need a government, right? But my every decree is just and fair. “Decree”? Sheesh, so you’re a dictator? There’s also a legislature. But they’ve never disagreed with my policies. So they just rubberstamp everything you say. THAT’S not a system ripe for abuse. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A QUEEN. OTHERWISE, WHO WEARS THE GOWNS AND TIARAS? Boys are so dumb. Task: "Make Queen Helvetica Write Stories of Equalia". The job takes place at The Castle of Equalia and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2

After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark Mayor Quimby, hail from Equalia! The blessed realm of equality, fairness and acceptance for all. Mind telling me how you got elected running on such an asinine platform? Well, I’m queen so… no elections. How is a monarchy a land of equality? IT JUST IS, OKAY? WHY IS EVERYONE SO HUNG UP ON THIS? Anyway, Springfield could learn much from Equalia. May I share some of our enlightened policies with you? I’m more interested in you “sharing” the property taxes on that enormous castle. Which is in Springfield. The blessed realm of paying your taxes or here come the bulldozers. We have no money in Equalia. We’re a post-scarcity utopian society. That’s nice. Well, I’ve got a castle to rubble-ize. Wait! Maybe I could sell you some two-nicorns? It’s a unicorn with two horns. So it’s a deer. Well, no. Sort of. Task: "Reach Level 20 and Build Town Hall". Task: "Make Queen Helvetica Meet with Mayor Quimby". The job takes place at the Town Hall and takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3

After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark Long live Queen Helvetica! Ruthless despot of that blessed realm! The Iron Lady of Tolerance! You should visit Equalia. Seriously, everybody’s totally happy. They’d better be! Or else! Am I right, oh Most Beneficent Tyrant? Why can’t I explain this to anyone? If you’ve got propaganda to deliver, television is a first-rate medium! Task: "Reach Level 23 and Build Channel 6". Task: "Make Queen Helvetica Do an Interview". The job takes place at Channel 6 and takes 4 hours. Kent Brockman, here, with Queen Helvetica. Tell us about Equalia, Your Majesty. It’s a land of equal rights for-- Any juicy gossip about the royal family? Bring us up to speed on the disgraceful scandals currently besmirching your reign. Uh… You see, America has never known monarchy. We pretend that makes us better than other nations. When, in fact, we are consumed with jealousy. Jealousy of the scrumptious, titillating gossip that even a second-rate royal family vomits forth! So feed the tabloid monster! How many of your sons are you ashamed of? I’m eight years old. You heard it here first, folks. A mother at eight! God, I love depraved royalty. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4

After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark I came to deliver a message of hope and peace, and all they care about is gossip-rag fodder! Sure, I’ve got some great diet tips. And my great-aunt DID have a torrid affair with an orc in that one story. But why is that more interesting than the fine points of anti-discrimination laws? Perhaps I'll have better luck talking with other children. This just in! Royal floozy trolls for boy toys! News at six! Task: "Make Queen Helvetica Speak at Springfield Elementary". The job takes place at Springfield Elementary and takes 12 hours. Kent Brockman here, with local bully Nelson Muntz. Nelson, what was your impression of Queen Helvetica’s tour of Springfield Elementary? Kent, my impression was that she was very into me, and wants my junk. And by junk you mean? I have no idea. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5

After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark Everyone in this town has a horrible opinion of me! Hey Queenie! Keep your shady regal attitude outta my shady bar! Who’s Equalia’s version of Camilla Parker-Bowles, and why won’t you be nicer to her? Are you dating Nelson Muntz? If so -- great catch! I’ve got to get away from them! Task: "Make Queen Helvetica Hide from Paparazzi". The job takes a Brown House or the Simpson House. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 6

After tapping on Queen Helvetica's exclamation mark I can’t take this place! Why won’t you leave me alone!? Just wait out the news cycle. Everyone forgets about everything after one news cycle. And… done. There. You’re yesterday’s news. Congratulations, whoever you are. Uh, thanks! So who replaced me in the public consciousness? Some kid on ViewTube who puts metal objects into electrical sockets. There he is! I’m a miracle I’m still alive! I can always count on you, Ralph Wiggum. Task: "Make Queen Helvetica Listen to the Royal MyPod". The job takes 12 hours. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Behind the Laughter

The quest name is a reference to the quote "We're not in Kansas anymore" from The Wizard of Oz.