| From the Desk of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: My Bottom 40
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| Comic Story information
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From the Desk of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: My Bottom 40 is a Simpsons Illustrated list first printed in Simpsons Illustrated #9.
My Bottom 40[edit]
- Trying to stay awake 24 hours a day
- Flesh wounds
- The screams of customers who burn their tongues on the microwave bean burritos
- Refunds
- The annual two-week downturn in sales while Homer Simpson is away on vacation
- The lonely hours between 3 and 5.A.M.
- People who wish to get change without making at least a $10 purchase
- The unflattering manner in which the overhead security camera photographs my bald spot
- Wondering whether Squishees are as nutritious as they say
- Dairy-product expiration dates which are printed in non-erasable ink
- Wondering why the young hooligans are always snickering about their "five finger discounts"
- Jimbo
- Dolf
- Kearney
- Bart Simpson
- Homer Simpson's complaints that my heavily salted snack treats are not salty enough
- Skateboard skidmarks on my freshly waxed floors
- The eternal conflict between my immigrant work ethic and the allure of the local foxy ladies.
- The disappointing sales of my homemade curry-flavored crunch-treats
- The insulting Kwik-E-Mart employee burial plan
- The tempting lurid magazines that I sell but must not look at, lest my vigilance wander from the important duties of a convenience store clerk
- Sweaty customers fumbling through the jerky jar
- Eating meals from food bought in my own store
- The infernal way the door bongs every time a customer enters of exits
- Customers who wear pantyhose over their heads
- Scrubbing the dumpster out back until it's springtime fresh
- The quite painful way the cash register drawer slams into my stomach every time I ring up a sale
- People who browse more than seven seconds before making a purchase
- 30. The persistent stickiness on the floor surrounding the Squishee machine, no matter how hard I mop
- 31. Having to mend my shirts every time I get shot
- 32. Dodging bullets
- 33. Finding half-eaten packets of cookies on the shelf and seeing suspicious crumbs on the chin of Bart Simpson
- 34. The time I accidentally drank some concentrated Squishee syrup and had to go to the emergency room
- 35. The bitter moans and curses of Homer Simpson every time he sees the numbers on his Scratch & Win lottery tickets
- 36. Absent-mindedley eating my own corn chips
- 37. Trying to catch a quick nap in the cooler
- 38. The pungent aroma of a heat-lamp dog that's been cooking for two weeks
- 39. Sleeping with my eyes open
- 40. Robbers who are so rude!
Reprints[edit]
