D'oh vs. the Volcano!/Quotes
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- Lenny: Homer! It's a meltdown!
- Homer: That sounds serious! Who do we call to stop one of those again?
- Carl: You!
- Homer: D'oh!
- Homer: Now, Mr. Burns, I can explain everything. I had a late night doing charity work or something and...
- Waylon Smithers: [SOB!]
- Homer: Mr. Smithers? Are you okay? Where's Mr. Burns? Did he... go to his final reward? You know... down there?
- Waylon Smithers: Worse! I found this on his desk! He's been so distant lately, spending less and less time here, but I never suspected.
- Homer: Suspected what?
- Waylon Smithers: He's seeing... another power plant! Bwaah!
- Joe Quimby: People of Springfield! Our town charter has a very simple plan for dealing with the threat of a volcano!
- Sideshow Mel: What is it? Speak up, man!
- Joe Quimby: It says, "the most innocent person in town must be thrown into the volcano to appease the angry gods!"
- Lisa: What?! How old is the charter?
- Joe Quimby: Er, ah... 1975!
- Krusty: The results are in! It's a three-way tie between Cletus Spuckler, Ralph Wiggum, and Homer Simpson!
- Marge: Oh, no!
- Chief Wiggum: Way to go, Ralphie!
- Lisa: He's going to be sacrificed in a volcano! Why are you happy?
- Chief Wiggum: With a kid like Ralph you can't get picky with the small victories!
- Bart: Why are you so grumpy?
- Lisa: Why do they get a parade, and I don't? I came up with the idea that saved the town.
- Joe Quimby: Little girl, this parade celebrates using the power of stupidity to solve our problems. I'm changing the town charter to read that the dumbest people in town will always be consulted first in times of crisis.
- Lisa: But...
