Anchor Blues/Quotes
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- Female producer: We'll have the editing boys punch up the laugh track before this goes to broadcast next Halloween. Mr. Brockman, before you go I need to brief you on Monday's news stories.
- Kent Brockman: Sweetheart, as soon as that teleprompter goes dark, I am off the clock. So unless you have the new weathergirl's phone number on that clipboard, the only things I'm reading are the stop signs on the drive home.
- Female producer: But Mr. Brockman--
- Kent Brockman: Talk to my agent!
- Male producer: I'm sorry, Mr. Brockman! That thief got away with everything! He even stole your clothes from the dressing room!
- Kent Brockman: [GASP!] My lucky suit?! That was given to me by Ted Koppel's wigmaker! What about my payment for the Halloween special I just taped?
- Male producer: That robber cleaned out the safe as well. All your gold ingots have been stolen. You know, this wouldn't be a problem if you let me pay you with a check.
- Kent Brockman: I told you already! Checks are too middle class! I have an image to protect!
- Kent Brockman: He was about six feet tall with a snake tattoo. He had a gun and a devil-may-care attitude.
- Chief Wiggum: We're not going to lie to you, Mr. Brockman. There's been a spike in unsolved crimes these last few weeks. You probably won't see your bicycle again.
- Kent Brockman: He stole my car and wallet. I don't even own a bicycle!!
- Lou: Easy, Mr. Brockman.
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, don't tell us how to do police work, and we won't tell you how to be the Sea Captain.
- Kent Brockman: I'm Springfield's premier news anchor, not the Sea Captain! You cops are pathetic!
- Chief Wiggum: Well, excuse us, Dan Blather! I guess we'll be on our way then.
- Kent Brockman: ...Local newsman becomes local hero! Kent Brockman, noted journalist, author, and award-winning gravy chef has almost single-handedly put an end to Springfield's recent crime wave. A high-level trafficking ring was operating out of the Springfield Public Library. Authorities learned that stolen merchandise was being smuggled out of town, concealed in library books. A crafty plan indeed, but not too crafty for this ace reporter. The goods have been returned to their rightful owners, and the perpetrators jailed. All thanks to some hard-hitting investigative reporting. Pun very much intended.
