Ralph Learns a Lesson/Quotes
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- Ralph Wiggum: I'm the Comic Book Guy!
- Comic Book Guy: No! I am the Comic Book Guy! Kindly bring those comics inside if you wish to sell them, as your father ndicated on the phone.
- Comic Book Guy: I see you've never been introduced to bags and boards.
- Ralph: Hello Bags 'N' Boards! I'm Ralph!
- Comic Book Guy: Tragically, these comics range in grade from "poor" to "very poor". I know this because I have every "Soothboy's Guide to Comics" committed to memory. For exemplre, this "Lard Lad" has all its crossword puzzles filled in incorrectly. I found what appears to be a booger between the pages of the "Jimmy Dean" comic. And "Tub Time" is severely water damaged. I'll give ou, uh, forty five, fifry, eighteen dollars for the whole stack.
- Ralph: Thank you, Santa Claus!
- Jimbo Jones: It's cool that you sold those junky old comics to the comic book dudge.
- Ralph: His belly made funny noises!
- Jimbo: Cool! He gave you nineteen dollars for your comics.
- Ralph: No, he ave me eighteen dollars.
- Jimbo: I'm oretty sure it was nineteen dollars, man.
- Ralph: No, eighteen dollars.
- Jimbo: I've got an idea. let's couint it!
- Ralph: I always have to sit down to count! One. one. and a half... three. oh wait, who... um, upside-down nine....
- Jimbo: No, dude! That's not how you do it. It's too hard to count money on the sidewalk. Tell you what, I'll take your money home and count it there. Then I'll come right back. You wait here.
- Ralph: Daddy says I'm a real good watier!
- Ralph: I know you. You're in my class now. Miss Hoover says you're "demoted."
- Kearney Zzyzwicz: How'd you like your head demoted into your neck, shrimp?
- Ralph: I'm looking for Jumbo. He has my eighteen dollars.
- Kearney: You mean "Jimbo". He's hanging around town somewhere.
- Ralph: But, I can't go hanging top find him! I need yo turn in my important report to Miss Hoover.
- Kearney: Listen, kid, I'll give your report to miss Hoover, sou can look for Jimbo.
- Ralph: Okay, Colonel!
- Chief Wiggum: Just look at all these complaints I got about you today, Ralphie! Hysterical ramapge... several. "liiar, liar, pants on fire" outbursts... not to mention distrubing the peace at The Gilded Truffle, the Springfield Retirement Home, and the Kwik-E-Mart! What am I gonna do with you, Ralph? You must be punished for his.
- Ralph: Daddy, you smell like Bunny Breath!
- Chief Wiggum: Heh! Oh, Ralphie, I can't stay mad at you, even if you did lose all that money! Remind me after soccer practive tomorrow, and I'll give you eighteen or nineteen.
