Difference between revisions of "King-Size Homer/Quotes"

Revision as of 11:20, June 10, 2012

Mr. Burns: "Raise your left hock. Aerate! Raise your right hock. Aerate! Come on, people. I want to see more Theodore Roosevelts and less Franklin Roosevelts!"

Homer: "Hey, where's Charlie? How'd he get out of this?"

Carl: "Uh, he's at home on disability."

Lenny: "Yeah, he got injured on the job and they sent him home with pay. It's like a lottery that awards stupidity."

Homer: "Stupidity, eh?"

Bart: "If you gain 61 pounds they'll let you work at home?"

Homer: "Y'uh huh, that's the deal. No more exercise program, no more traffic, no more blood drives or charity walks."

Bart: "Dad, I know we don't do a lot together but helping you gain 61 pounds is something I want to be a part of."

Homer: "I'm purposely gaining 61 pounds to get on disability!"

Marge: "Are you out of your mind? Have you thought about your health? Or your appearance?"

Homer: "So that's it, isn't it, Marge? Looks. I never knew you were so shallow."

Marge: "Oh, please. I would love you if you weighed 1000 pounds, but --"

Homer: "Beautiful! Goodnight!"

Lisa: "Obesity is really unhealthy, any doctor will tell you that."

Homer: "Oh yeah? Well we'll just see about that little miss smart guy!"

[cut to Dr. Hibbert's office]

Dr. Hibbert: [gasps] "My God, that's monstrous. I've never heard of anything so negligent -- I'll have no part of it!"

Homer: "Can you recommend a doctor who will?"

Dr. Hibbert: "Yes!"

[Cut to Dr. Nick Riveria's office]

Dr. Nick: "Hi everybody!"

Homer: "Ohh…225! That means I lost weight!"

Bart: "Ahem…Homer, you're, uh, on the towel rack."

(Homer moves his stomach. The scale shows 296.)

Homer: "Woo hoo! Four more pounds and my dream comes true: working at home."

Bart: "Bad news, Dad. We're out of food. We're even out of the basic elements of food. You ate all the tarragon and you drank all the soy sauce!"

Homer: "All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body."

Homer: [singing chirpily] "Bart and Lisa have to go to school well I get to stay home, na na na na naaa na!"

Lisa: "I like school."

Homer: "Well why don't you live in it, then?"

Lisa: "I would if I could."

Bart: "Not me, sister. When I grow up I want to be a lardo on workman's comp, just like Dad."

[Bart then imagines himself morbidly obese on a talk show]

Bart: "I wash myself with a rag on a stick!"

Obese Bart scrubs back and people applaud him. Cut back to reality. Bart is doing motions of washing his backside.

Bart: "Woo hoo ha ha!"

Lisa: "Ugh! Cut it out, Bart! That is disgusting!"

[Shopping at The Vast Waistband]

Homer: "I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with the muumuu."

Lisa: "Dad, what are you doing down there?"

Homer: "Washing my fat guy hat, honey."

Homer: "Well, give me a Y, give me a…Hey! All I have to type is Y. (to Marge) "Hey, Miss Doesn't-find-me-attractive-sexually-anymore, I just tripled my productivity!"

Marge: "Good. Good for you."

Lisa: "Ew! Mom, this whole thing is really creepy. Are you sure you won't talk to Dad?"

Marge: "Mmm, I'd like to, honey, but I'm not sure how. Your father can be surprisingly sensitive. Remember when I giggled at his Sherlock Holmes hat? He sulked for a week and then closed his detective agency."

Lisa: "Mom, were you ever planning to step in and put a stop to this?"

Marge: "Normally your father's crackpot schemes fizzle out as soon as he finds something good on TV. But this season…" (shudders)

[Outside the Simpson residence]

Jimbo: "I heard that guy's ass has it own Congressman!"

Jimbo and Dolph high-five each other over the crack.

Lisa: "Hey, leave my dad alone. Just because he's overweight doesn't mean he's bad: he's a sweet man and he has real feelings."

Homer: [inside] "Hey, what are you kids looking at?"

Milhouse: "Hey, look he's trying to get up and yell at us!"

Homer: "Don't make me close that shade!"

[Homer pokes window with the broom, then loses interest]

Ralph:" I heard your dad went into a restaraunt and ate everything in the restaraunt and they had to close the restaraunt!"

Lisa: "Hey, my dad may have gained a little weight, but he's not some food crazed maniac!"

Homer: [as he drives past in Ice Cream Truck, sampling the ice creams] "Oh, that's raspberry!"

Lisa: "Oh, Dad!"

Marge: "That's it, thats the one, alright, send him on in."

Lisa: "Dad..."

Homer: "Yes, honey?"

Lisa: Uh..mm... Mom just baked a cake...

Homer: (runs to kitchen) "Huh?"

Marge: Homer, we need to have a serious chat.

Homer: "You dragged me all the way from work for that!"

(at Aztec Theatre)

Manager: "I'm sorry, sir, but our facilities are not equipped to suit your needs."

Homer:" What are you talking about?"

Manager: "Oh what I'm saying sir is that a man of your... carriage wouldn't possibly fit in our seats."

Homer: "I could sit in the aisle!"

Manager: "I'm afraid that would violate the fire code."

Man: "Hey, fatty! I've got a movie for you! 'A Fridge Too Far'!"

[after leaving his home workstation to go to the movies, Homer comes back, energized]

Homer: I'll prove to them that I'm not lazy and irresponsible!

[looks at the screen, which is beeping urgently, and reads "Core Meltdown Imminent"]

Homer: [scared] Marge? Lisa? [reluctantly] Flanders?

Homer: "I've gotta call the plant and warn them!"

(Homer pushes buttons on the phone)

Recorded Voice: "The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm ... now."

Mr. Burns: "Homer, your bravery and quick thinking have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three-Mile Island. Bravo!"

Lisa: "I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day, while a slimmer man would've fallen to his death."

Bart: "And I think it's ironic that, for once, Dad's butt prevented the spread of toxic gas."

Marge: "Bart!"

Mr. Burns: "Now Homer, if there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know."

[Homer looks at his family and sees how hard his obesity has made life for them.]

Homer: "Can you make me thin again?"

Mr. Burns: "I guarantee it."

Nighttime. Mr. Burns and Homer are the only two present at the plant. Homer strains himself to do situps.

Mr. Burns: [through megaphone] "One. One! ONE!"

Mr. Burns throws megaphone to ground in frustration.

Mr. Burns: "Drat! I will just pay for the blasted liposuction!"

Homer: "Woo hoo!"

Template:Season 7 Q