Difference between revisions of "The Duffman Cometh!/Quotes"

Revision as of 17:22, March 13, 2020

Ms. Hoover: Mr. Duffman! We invited you to talk career day to talk about your job. Please stop soaking the children in berr!

Duffman: Duffman is sorry. He just gets carried away with his love of partying!

Ms. Hoover: Children, do you have any question for Mr. Duffman?

Ralph: What superpowers do you have?

Duffman: The power to drink all night and promote responsible alcohol use all day! Oh yeah!

Ralph: Can you beat-up Spiderman?

Duffman: Uh... yeah, sure.

Ralph: Can you get Spider-Man out pof my nose?

Duffman: Er.... no.

Lisa: I have a question! Was being a beer spokes-mascot what you always wanted to do with your life?

Duffman: [SIGH!] No! Duffman had a dream once, but life... life is filed with compromises! Oh yeah!

Lisa: What did you want to be?

Duffman: You'll laugh!

Lisa: No, we won't.

Duffman: A shepherd.

Surly Duff: Hey, what about me? Old Surly's been busin' his hump at Duff Garderns for years! If anyone should get that gig it's me!

Howard K. Duff VIII: Why are you wearing that outfit on your day off?

Surly: Surly even refers to himself in the third-person, just like Duffman! What's it to you jerk-face? You want a piece of Surly?

Lindsey Naegle: You see, Surly, this is hy we keep turning down your application. We need someone with an "in your face attitude", not a "fist in your face attitude."

Surly: You ain't heard that last of surly!

Kent Brockman: With all his recent good work, truly Homer Simpson's Duffman is Springfield greatest good samaritan.

Ned: Homer? The town's greatest good samaritan? I suppose I have been slacking in my donations to the poor and needy lately. But what to give? What to give?

Lisa: Eureka! Mom! Mom!

Marge: What is it, Lisa?

Lisa: I've been training bees as part of a school science project, and I can mek them do tricks! Let me tell you how I did it!

Marge: Sorry, sweetie, I have to hem your father's outfit, And I just don't have time for your bee story.

Bart: Did you say "b" story?

Marge: No, Lisa's bee story.

Bart: Oh, because in a movie or TV show a "b story" is the less important, secondary plotline. Like say, Lisa training bees.

Marge: Which we just don't have time for right now.

Lisa: [SIGH!] They never have time for my b stories.

Marge: You mean your bee stories, Lisa!

Marge: You're going out agin? But that's every night this week!

Homer: Sorry, Marge, but the local frat guys having a poolside kegger, and I've got to judge the belly-flop contest! Look, you knew I was Duffman when you married me!

Marge: You weren't Duffman when I married you. You were just plain Homer, and I miss spending time with him!

Homer: Marge, I... I...

Marge: Yes?

Homer: I have to go.