Homeowner Homer/Quotes

Quotes

Marge: I can't believe you forgot Maggie's sweater, Homer! You know it's always cold at the mall.

Homer: Am I expected to remember everything? Drive on the right! Don't eat mashed potatoes with your hands! Adam Baldwin is not one of the Baldwin brothers!

Marge: How many times did I tell you to bring the sweater? How many?

Homer: I don't know, Marge! Maybe one million thirty-four thousand six hundred and eighty-eight times?

Gil Gunderson: Uh? Congratulations! You guessed the correct amount of jellybeans and win a hot tub!

Homer: A hot tub full of jellybeans?

Gil: Well, I didn't say it was--

Homer:A hot tub full of jellybeans, right?

Gil: Uh... sure... why not? Heh heh.

Lisa: That's what threw my figures off. There was one big jellybean in the middle of the jar.

Bart: We got M. Night Shyamalaned, Lis.

Skip Tarrington: One man can make a difference, Homer.

Homer: Riiiight... Herb Barnstable could "disappear" under suspicious circumstances...

Skip Tarrington: No... no... I'm saying you could run for Home Association president.

Homer: Me?

Skip Tarrington: The election is in one week. Hardly anyone votes. Swing a dozen or so homeowners your way, and you're a shoe-in.

Herb Barnstable: You're not serious are you, Simpson?

Homer: As serious as my last heart attack, Barnstable.

Herb Barnstable: What would you know about running a governing body?

Homer: I can do better than you nosy Nancies!

Herb Barnstable: Who'd vote for you anyway?

Homer: Lots of people! People you don't even know!

Herb Barnstable: We'll see come election day, Simpson.

Skip Tarrington: You see, politics is all about perception. You have to change everyone's mind about you.

Homer: Like by switching faces with John Travolta?

Skip Tarrington: Nothing that drastic.

Lisa: Maybe you don't need this Skip guy, Dad. You won the election through your own hard work. You have a mandate. The people have faith in you.

Homer: That's right, Lisa! The voter's are stuck with me! Homer Simpson is calling the shots now! I say "jump" and they say "how high?"

Lisa: Um... that's not exactly what I was saying...

Marge: Hrrmmm...

Homer: The first order of business is to allow backyard hot tubs.

Dr. Hibbert: Wha--?!

Homer: And that's not the only change I'll be making. I'm putting dandelions on the endangered species list. And a sundown curfew on tandem bikes. And no loud music after nine unless it's a group I like. And none of those stupid flags with Snoopy or Garfield or rainbows on them!

Agnes Skinner: This is an outrage!

Homer: You know what's an outrage, lady? That hideous bird feeder on your front lawn! Lose it, Grandma!

Lisa: Dad's become a tyrant!

Marge: Like they say, absolute power corrupts...

Bart: ...absolutely! You go, Homer!

Paramedic: Hey! What're you doing?

Homer: New rule. No parking on the street.

Paramedic: But that's an ambulance!

Homer: Take it up at the next meeting, okay? And don't leave the sickie on the sidewalk.

Lisa: Listen to me! This is all a simple misunderstanding! You know my father! He doesn't have a hateful bone in his body! Unreasoning anger and incoherent rage? Sure. But no actual hate. Please look in your hearts and you'll see he's not what you think he is... He's just a nitwit... a numbskull. A boob... a doofus... a buffoon... an ignoramus...

Homer: Look at Lisa stick up for her old man. [SNIFF] I've never been prouder.

Lisa: So... are you going to punish Homer Simpson for one, single, regrettable action?

Angry mob: Yeah!

Hans Moleman: He told me I wasn't white enough!