Apu on Rigel 7/Quotes
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- Mr. Burns: And now, Smithers, let us behold my long-awaited teleport! Bow down to it, Smithers! Bow down!
- Waylon Smithers: Mr. Burns, I don't mean to question your omniscience, but the teleport looks more like a Kwik-E-Mart hot dog warmer.
- Mr. Burns: Confound those pesky Russkies!
- Smithers: Look at the bright side, sir, we can warm our weenies on it!
- Mr. Burns: If this is a hot dog warmer, where is my particle teleport?!
- Apu: At last! My Kwik-E-Mart brand hot dog warmer has arrived. Without it, I cannot free my choice edibles from their clammy, gelatinous casing.
- Homer: Mmm...claaaaammy, gelatinous casing.
- Apu: Mr. Homer! You should not eat raw pork. You will get worms!
- Homer: Nonsense! I've eaten raw hot dogs my whole life, and I've never had a problem with worms!
- Homer: Hey, there seems to be Chinese writing all over it!
- Apu: That is not Chinese. It is Russian! Luckily all children in India must learn at least 7 languages to properly compete in the international business world!
- Kang: We must overthrow the evil dictator and free our comrades!
- Apu: [thinking] I dare not answer or he will see that I have murdered his beloved sister who has no doubt reincarnated into a higher life form—like a sea monkey.
- Kang: Kodos?
- Apu: I accidentally killed your sister, Kodos, when I materialized on top of her.
- Kang: Foolish Earth man! Do you know how many times I've heard the excuse, "I just materialized on top of her"?!
- Kang: I know! We can help each other! I will fix your teleporter if you help me destroy the evil Rigelian dictator!
- Apu: To destroy a corrupt dictator of another civilization is completely offensive to my religion, but okay.
- Apu: How did this dictator take over your world?
- Kang: He had superior fighting skills with his "board and nail" technique. He overthrew our previous president whom we put into power with a democratic election.
- Apu: You have democratic elections?
- Kang: Well, it isn't exactly democratic. Ours is not a legitimate democracy like your United States. Our elections are bought by special interest groups who flood the media with inflammatory and exaggerated advertising to influence a poorly informed public.
- Smithos: Sir, you make a great dictator!
- Burnzak: Don't interrupt me Smithos the Brown! And don't call me tator!
- Smithos: Jump on my back Mr. Burns--I mean, Burnzak! Sir, it is a privilege and an honor to be ground to hamburger while you climb to safety.
- Mr. Burns: Why this isn't a super-growth beam! Smithers, it appears to be a nacho cheese dispenser!
- Smithers: It does say Kwik-E-Mart on the side.
- Mr. Burns: Dad-blast those pesky Russians! Every time they send me something valuable, it gets switched with a piece of Kwik-E-Mart junk!
- Walt Disney: Hey! What about me?!
- Mr. Burns: Shut up, Walt!
