Rosebud/Quotes
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Mr. Burns: How much do you want.
Homer: A million dollars and three Hawaiian islands. Good ones, not the leper one.
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those weren't the...
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!
Homer: Mmmm. Sixty-four slices of American cheese. Sixty-four. Sixty-three. Two. One.
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind.
Marge: What are you doing?
Homer: I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?
Marge: I don't think it's a good idea to humiliate your boss on his birthday.
Lisa: Actually, Mom, a tweaking of Mr. Burns' foibles if done with the greatest of care could earn Dad a special place in the old man's heart.
Homer: Well, I also do a delightful impression of him. [laughs] I paint a frowny face on my butt and pull down my pants!
[Marge and Lisa groan]
Homer: Now, I'm not saying Mr. Burns is incontinent...
Bart: Incontinent! (laughs) Too rich!
Lisa: Does either of you know what incontinent means?
Homer: Lisa, don't spoil our fun.
Marge: Come on, everybody, it's time to go.
Homer: OK, stupid.
Marge: Homer, you've got to stop insulting everyone, especially your boss!
Homer: Marge, the comedy roast is an American tradition. It's what gives us the freedom to criticize our social betters. [Outside, Flanders is clipping the hedge] Hey Flanders! You smell like manure.
Flanders: Uh oh. Better cancel that dinner party tonight. Thanks for the nose-news, neighbor!
Smithers: I have some sad news to report. A small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was just run over in the parking lot.
(Audience gasps)
Smithers: And now it's time for the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson!
Homer: Are you ready to laugh?
Man: That poor dog.
Homer: Are you ready to laugh? I said, are you ready to laugh!?
Lady: Quiet, you awful man.
Homer: You know, Mr. Burns is so cheap.
Mr. Burns: Whaaat?
Homer: I mean...Mr. Burns is so old--
Mr. Burns: How dare you!
Homer: Woo hoo, tough crowd.
Homer: Oh, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.
Marge: Bart, run down to the store and get a big bag of ice for your father.
Bart: Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please don't deny the world your fat can.
Homer: Don't worry, boy, he'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.
Lisa: I knew it.
Marge: I'm sure he'll offer a fair reward. And then we'll make him double it.
Family: Huh? Marge: Well, why can't I be greedy once in a while?
Ice Delivery Man: You've got to start charging more than a dollar a bag. We lost four more men on this expedition!
Apu: If you can think of a better way to get ice, I'd like to hear it.
Nelson: My old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man! Let's get him!
Jimbo: Wait, why are we getting him?
Martin: Look, fellows. The first snapdragon of the season.
Nelson: Never mind. Let's get him!
Smithers: Who's Bobo, sir?
Mr. Burns: Bobo? Duh..uh, I meant Lobo...Sherrif Lobo, they should have never canceled that show.
Bart: (Pulls Bobo out of the bag of ice.) Hey, it's a teddy bear. Gross, it's probably diseased or something. Here, Maggie.
Homer: Who needs his money? We're getting by okay.
(Grampa crashes a Ute through the Simpsons' wall.)
Grampa: Son, you gotta help me! I hit three people on the way over here, and I don't have any insurance! (Pause) So, how's my Ute?
Homer: My life can't get any worse.
Smithers: Homer Simpson, report for "much worse" duty.
Homer: D'oh!
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I'm so happy. Something amazing has happened, I'm actually happy. Take a note! From now on, I'm only going to be good and kind to everyone.
Smithers: I'm sorry sir, I don't have a pencil.
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't worry, I'm sure I'll remember it.
