Cape Feare/Quotes
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< Cape Feare
Revision as of 15:54, August 14, 2012 by Solar Dragon (talk | contribs)
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- Bart: Who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace.
- [the family discusses who would want to kill Bart]
- Abraham Simpson: I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin McLeod, or George "Goober" Lindsey.
- Bart: Grampa, Matlock's not real.
- Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob... if someone cuts it off and smooshes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
- Milhouse: [to Bart] I checked around. The girls are calling you "Fatty Fat Fat Fat", and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants, but... nobody's trying to kill ya.
- Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you, ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
- Marge: I'm pretty sure there is.
- Wiggum: Ha! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle...
- Lou: [with a law book] Uh, hey, she's right, Chief.
- Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for gambling purposes.
- Lisa: Bart, I figured it out. Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
- Bart: Linda Lavin?
- Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.
- Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me "Chief Piggum".
- Blue-haired lawyer: Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?
- Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell hole?
- Parole officer: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could have said "peepee-soaked heck hole".
- Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
- Blue-haired lawyer: But isn't it true that you have the words 'Die, Bart, Die' tattooed across your chest?
- Sideshow Bob: Heavens No! That's German for 'the Bart, the'.
- Official: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
- Sideshow Bob: Hello Bart!
- Bart: Mom, Dad!
- Sideshow Bob: Your family can't help you now.
- [The rest of the family, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II, are tied up]
- Lisa: [seeing Homer asleep with some drool] "OH NO! Dad's been drugged!
- Marge: [annoyed] No, he hasn't!
- Sideshow Bob: Now, Bart, any last requests?
- Bart Simpson: [sees a sign that says "Springfield 15 Mi" pass behind Bob, decides to buy himself some time] Well, there was one, but... Naah, forget it.
- Sideshow Bob: No, go on.
- Bart Simpson: It's just that you have such a beautiful voice...
- Sideshow Bob: Guilty as charged.
- Bart Simpson: Uh huh. Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the "H.M.S. Pinafore".
- Sideshow Bob: Very well, Bart. I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to Hell. and a 1 and a 2 and [singing] We sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty. We are sober men and true, and attentive to our duty...
- [later]
- Sideshow Bob:I'm called Little Buttercup, poor Little Buttercup, though I could never tell why...
- [later]
- Sideshow Bob: ...What never?
- Bart: No never.
- Sideshow Bob: What never?
- Bart: Hardly ever!
- Bart and Sideshow Bob: He's hardly ever sick at sea...
- [later]
- Sideshow Bob: ...For he himself has said it, and it's clearly to his credit, that he is an Englishman. He remai-hains ah-han Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hengLISHman! [spoken] And now [draws his sword] the final curtain... [walks towards Bart. The boat hits a rock and Bob is sent flying. Chief Wiggum and other policemen are on shore in their bathrobes]
- Chief Wiggum: [cocks his gun] "Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
- Sideshow Bob: By Lucifer's beard!
