Hoop Schemes
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The contents of this article are based on an issue of Simpsons Comics or another comic series and is considered to be non-canon and may not have actually happened/existed.
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Hoop Schemes
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Comic Story information
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Hoop Schemes is a Bart Simpson story first printed in Bart Simpson #69.
Plot
Mr. Burns has bought a women's basketball team and moved it to Springfield under the name The Reactors. Mr. Burns has promised to give away season tickets to someone at the plant. Homer is not interested in winning the competition but when he realizes that Lisa wants them, he decides to win the tickets. At the plant, Lenny and Carl tell Homer that the Reactors have so far lost every game this season, and to win the tickets, you have to show the most team spirit. Meanwhile, Mr. Burns tells Smithers that it is time to use the Reactors as the guinea pigs for "The Experiment".
Homer has managed to get Mr. Burns to coach the basketball players at the power plant, making him the front runner for the season ticket, and he later wins the tickets. During the training, Smithers begins to give the basketball players a Nucleade Sports Drink. The Reactors win eight games in a row before the ninth game, when Lisa and Homer are sitting in the audience. Lisa is asked to help the Reactors, which she accepts. They ask her to find the box of t-shirts and roll up like them grenades for their next home game. Lisa goes down the hall and passes Smithers talking to a scientist, who gives him a new bottle of Liquefied Uranium Smoothie. Lisa overhears them and realizes that the players have been juicing up on nuclear energy, and that's how they got so good so quickly. Lisa goes to Mr. Burns and tells him that she should talk to the press about this, and after the drug test, Burns is accused of cheating. Burns tells her that it is too bad she had to tattle on him; he could use a player with her passion and explains that there is no prohibition on nuclear energy-based sports drinks. Lisa realizes that if the stuff will not hurt her, she can be the greatest basketball player ever. She starts to drink Burns' sports drink and joins the team. Lisa becomes popular in school and Bart discovers in the schoolyard that when Lisa accidentally spills some of her sports drink on the grass, the grass starts to die.
At the next game, Bart realizes he must tell Lisa that he knows that she drinks sports drinks, which he took to Professor Frink after he saw the grass die. Frink tells him that the drink contains liquid uranium. Bart says he looked up to Lisa, but not anymore. Lisa realizes that she has done something she hates, and she tells the team members and the press about the sports drink. Mr. Burns fires Lisa after it is revealed that she is lying, because the drug test shows no liquid uranium in the body. Lisa then tells Bart that the result turned out like that after she sneaked into the tanker where they kept the sports drink and put vegetables in the drink, and they have now been drinking healthy smoothies for two weeks, and Bart realizes that that's why they have been losing every game again. Burns will not give up, so he starts to coach an elephant polo team, the Springfield Pachyderms.
Reprints
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