Cape Feare/Quotes

Quotes

Season 5 Episode Quotes

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082

"Homer's Barbershop Quartet"

083
"Cape Feare"

"Homer Goes to College"

084

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Homer: Oh my god, someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart.

Bart: Who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace.

[the family discusses who would want to kill Bart]

Abraham Simpson: I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin McLeod, or George "Goober" Lindsey.

Bart: Grampa, Matlock's not real.

Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob... if someone cuts it off and smooshes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!

Milhouse: [to Bart] I checked around. The girls are calling you "Fatty Fat Fat Fat", and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants, but... nobody's trying to kill ya.

Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you, ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.

Marge: I'm pretty sure there is.

Wiggum: Ha! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle...

Lou: [with a law book] Uh, hey, she's right, Chief.

Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for gambling purposes.

Lisa: Bart, I figured it out. Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?

Bart: Linda Lavin?

Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.

Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me "Chief Piggum".

Blue-haired lawyer: Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?

Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell hole?

Parole officer: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could have said "peepee-soaked heck hole".

Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.

Blue-haired lawyer: But isn't it true that you have the words 'Die, Bart, Die' tattooed across your chest?

Sideshow Bob: Heavens No! That's German for 'the Bart, the'.

Official: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

Sideshow Bob: Hello Bart!

Bart: Mom, Dad!

Sideshow Bob: Your family can't help you now.

[The rest of the family, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II, are tied up]

Lisa: [seeing Homer asleep with some drool] "OH NO! Dad's been drugged!

Marge: [annoyed] No, he hasn't!

Sideshow Bob: Now, Bart, any last requests?

Bart Simpson: [sees a sign that says "Springfield 15 Mi" pass behind Bob, decides to buy himself some time] Well, there was one, but... Naah, forget it.

Sideshow Bob: No, go on.

Bart Simpson: It's just that you have such a beautiful voice...

Sideshow Bob: Guilty as charged.

Bart Simpson: Uh huh. Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the "H.M.S. Pinafore".

Sideshow Bob: Very well, Bart. I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to Hell. and a 1 and a 2 and [singing] We sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty. We are sober men and true, and attentive to our duty...

[later]

Sideshow Bob:I'm called Little Buttercup, poor Little Buttercup, though I could never tell why...

[later]

Sideshow Bob: ...What never?

Bart: No never.

Sideshow Bob: What never?

Bart: Hardly ever!

Bart and Sideshow Bob: He's hardly ever sick at sea...

[later]

Sideshow Bob: ...For he himself has said it, and it's clearly to his credit, that he is an Englishman. He remai-hains ah-han Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hengLISHman! [spoken] And now [draws his sword] the final curtain... [walks towards Bart. The boat hits a rock and Bob is sent flying. Chief Wiggum and other policemen are on shore in their bathrobes]

Chief Wiggum: [cocks his gun] "Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.

Sideshow Bob: By Lucifer's beard!

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