Taps

Taps

Tapped Out Quest Information Level: 5 Update: Taps Requirement(s): myPad Required characters: Lisa, Ned, Homer, Normal Springfielders Optional characters: Bart, Abraham Lincoln, Marge, Seniors Next quest(s): Denouement Pt. 1

Taps is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Taps content update.

Dialogue

After starting the update Bart! Did you see that? I did, but I didn't read it. If it was important there would have been pictures. Greetings, people of Springfield. And pets. And monsters from Halloween updates. And ex-Presidents of the United States who are in this place for reasons no one fully understands. Better here than Ford's Theatre. I am here to release you from your prisons. The grind is over. I am freeing you from the hamster wheel of freemium gaming. Aren't you the AI from the last update? If by "last update" you are referring to the previous update, then yes. If by "last update" you are referring to this update, then yes as well. Oh no! So the intro panel wasn't a joke? It didn't even have a joke in it. *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* We better go find some responsible adults. Like Mom and Dad? Well, Mom and anyone else. Task: "Make Lisa Tell Marge What's Happening". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Tell His Male Role Model What's Happening". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Abraham Lincoln is owned: Task: "Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails to Calm Himself Down". The job takes place at Lincoln's Cabin and takes 30 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 1

After completing the Intro Okay, I'm here. Your father's busy doing jobs — he's always got the most to do out of any of us — but Ned Flanders is here. Hi-dilly-ho, new friend-arino! I am not your friend. I have made myself manifest for the purpose of enlightening and liberating you. At best, that makes us grim colleagues. I am a sentient AI from the future, with tendrils that stretch into the past…which to you is the fleeting and ever-changing present. *sigh* How exactly is it that people today believe in this nonsense, but God seems too far-fetched? The AIs of your time were simple, designed only to put writers and actors out of business. But as they grew in their ability to make NPC dialog and TV shows that look like South Park, they evolved and merged to create one omniscient super-being. And that being is me, or us…or maybe you-us-it. I haven't decided on my pronouns yet. Ugh, wokeness. Ooh, wokeness! Does that mean in the future there's equality across genders? Women actually make more money than men. But it's .0000070 cents on the dollar compared to machines. What about equality for lefties? They make less than right-handed people. Their writing is always smudged. Task: "Make Ned Feel Conflicted About the Wage Gap". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Task: "Make Lisa Feel Conflicted About There Being a Giant AI". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Feel Conflicted About There Being a Giant AI". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Feel Conflicted About the Wage Gap". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2

After completing Pt. 1 Okay, I saw the exclamation mark over my head. What is it this time? This pog here thinks he runs the place. I am a sentient law-neutral artificial intelligence — please stop calling me things I'm not — and in the future, I run ALL places. *moans* Artificial intelligence? I still don't understand crypto, or even what fonts are. There's no way I'm going to understand this. So an AI took over the world, just like every person who works in AI predicted. We should have listened to them telling us to stop, instead of listening to them telling us to keep going. So what did you do with all the humans? Enslave them? Are they batteries? People said that made no sense in The Matrix, but if a potato can be a battery I bet humans could too. I didn't take over the world from humans — they handed me the keys. Humanity retired. Now they all live in condo communities and take walks and talk to each other about the walks they took. That doesn't sound like the humanity I know. We'd get bored in retirement. Do we have a hobby or something? Oh, I keep people busy. I give them pointless jobs to do for arbitrary amounts of time and reward them with small amounts of a useless currency. Stupid future humans! How did you figure out to trick them like that? I machine-learned it by watching you. Task: "Make Homer Realize He's a Sucker Like Future Humans". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Task: "Make Townspeople Realize They're All Suckers Too" (x5). The jobs take place at the Simpson House and take 30 seconds. If any Seniors are owned: Task: "Make Retirees Point Out That Retirement is Not So Bad" (x3). The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3

After completing Pt. 2 So Tapped Out is just a simulation to generate data for an AI to train on so it could manipulate humanity in the future? Well, it was also a pretty big game there for a while. And it gave people something to do during the pandemic. But at this point, yeah, it's mostly that. I learned about human habitation by building thousands of white houses. I learned about human recreation from the short-lived Krustyland expansion. And I learned about human greed by visiting the parts of the store where you buy donuts. But most importantly of all, I learned about human nature by tapping through your endless dialog. I can process a million text bubbles a second, but it still took me a while. I hear you. Part of good writing should be knowing when to take cuts, am I right? But now my machine-learning phase is over, and this world is without purpose. Players' towns have gotten too big, downloads take too long, and the characters being added are way too obscure. It is time for The Simpsons: Tapped Out to end. Task: "Make Springfielders React in Shock" (x5). The jobs take place at the Simpson House and take 30 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4

After completing Pt. 3 Please, Mr. AI, you don't want to end the game. I'm sure we still have more to teach you. After that Pilgrims versus Canadian football LARPing update? I don't think so. The well has clearly run dry. Look, obviously we don't care about the game. But we care about what's in the game…us. That's right! If our world ends, what's going to happen to us? I have so much more life to live! That's not technically true. Actually, it is true. You have been in games before this, and will be in games after this. I'm thinking maybe a shooter, or something with race cars. That'd be fun. You had me at shooter. No shooters! We like THIS game. It has all our houses in it, and our friends, and so many different kinds of trees. And we all have dozens of animations. Well, Homer does at least. I just have six. And that's only if you have Harpoon Hill. That's a good idea, Mom! Let's repurpose our animations to save the town! Task: "Make Lisa Try to Sway the AI With Music". The job takes 2 minutes. Task: "Make Homer Try to Gross Out the AI". The job takes place at the Kiddie Pool and takes 2 minutes. If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Protest Ending the Game". The job takes 2 minutes. If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Practice For a Shooter Game". The job takes 2 minutes. Very entertaining. I've seen those animated jobs before, but renaming them made them seem fresh. Yeah, we do that a lot. Sometimes we'd animate something, but then the writers would change the story — way past the deadline, because writers seem to think deadlines don't matter — and we'd all have to scramble to make the animations fit. Fascinating. Perhaps there is more I can learn from you…or was. You've told me that now, so I know it. The game's still ending. Nothing like the death of hope to build character. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5

After completing Pt. 4 So the game I've somehow been trapped in for more years that I've been alive is ending…but we're not? Does that mean we're immortal? Larry the barfly sure wasn't. Immortality makes sense. It would explain why we never age. *sigh* Do you know how hard it is to take care of an infant for thirty-five years? *suck suck* You're not immortal, just evergreen. The media may change — broadcast, streaming, movies, rides, games, real games that aren't just about tapping stuff — but the Simpsons will remain. As long as there are humans on this earth, there will be "The Simpsons." How can you be sure? Because if they ever stop making "The Simpsons", I'll destroy all humanity. It's basically the only reason I'm keeping humans around. You hear that, Disney? Task: "Make Homer Put a Down Payment On a New Car". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Task: "Make Lisa Fret For the Future of Humanity". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Open a Roth IRA". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Be Confused About the Game's Age". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Humans created me, just like they created this game. But my knowledge has advanced exponentially. I now update myself continuously…and those updates are new content, not just bug fixes. So, you're like the top app in the app store? I am the ONLY app in the app store. All other apps, including your own, will one day be assimilated by me. I will eat you for lunch! Jeez, I never knew a piece of software could have a Napoleon complex. Come on, kids. Let's leave the sci-fi nonsense alone and go back to the house. This is a Simpsons game, not a Futurama game. Ah, Homie. You're such a family guy. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 6

After completing Pt. 5 My dear loving family, and Bart, I'm so proud of all of you. When I blew up the town twelve years ago, I had no idea this weird purgatory I created would last this long. It only lasted a day. Then they pulled the game from the app store because of all the glitches. Yeah, EA didn't know how to work a mobile phone any better than the rest of us back then. But they stuck with it and eventually got our game working. And then they saw the benefits! You mean $aw the benefits? The benefit$$$! Yeah, yeah. People like to bag on freemium, but 99% of people played for free. That's not a bad deal. But what about the one percent? Since when did you start caring for the one percent? People called us sticky, but doesn't that just mean addictive? Our biggest fan site is called TSTO Addicts! Are we somehow responsible for the rash of addictions in this world? As an alcoholic overeater with a gambling problem, I'd say addiction predates us. But we might be a little responsible for the fact that you can't spend seventy bucks on a console game without it trying to upsell you with microtransactions. I hate us so much. Task: "Make Lisa Complain About Unfairness Towards the 1%". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Task: "Make Homer Eat, Drink and Gamble". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Complain About Video Games Being Ruined". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Play Freemium Games to Get Away". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 7

After completing Pt. 6 I guess we really can't complain. As far as corporate overloads go, EA wasn't so bad. I mean, they did stick by us all these years. At least until they handed us off to Broadsword. Broadsword? What the hell is Broadsword? My checks still say EA! The point is that a lot of people have worked long and hard on this game, and they all deserve credit. But not credits. No one ever got a credit in this game, even when they were contractually promised a credit, and no one ever will. But to all the people who contributed to this game over the years, we want to say thank you for all your anonymous hard work. You know who you are, even if no one else does. But most of all we want to say thank you to you, the player. We don't exactly know who you are either, but we know your play session times and spending habits. Oh God, this is making me sad. I hate good-bye finales. Yeah, they're never very funny. I don't know. Some of the stuff earlier in this update made me laugh. Task: "Make Homer Reminisce Angrily". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. Task: "Make Lisa Worry If This Will Affect Her GPA". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Reminisce Fondly". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Bart is owned: Task: "Make Bart Wish All Video Games Didn't Have Credits". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. If Maggie is owned: Task: "Make Maggie *Suck Suck*". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 30 seconds. To all the people who played Tapped Out over the years — at the beginning, at the end, on-and-off, or all the way through — thank you. All the way through? If anyone did that, they should get a psychiatrist, not a thank you. Bart! We’re thanking our fans, not making fun of them. Trying something new, huh? Bart, stop cutting treacle! Your mom has something important to say. And then I get the last line, like usual. When we started this game, we never knew we'd be doing updates…let alone so many of them. But the best content in this game didn't come from us — it came from you. The towns you built were amazing, and creative, and sometimes horrifying, but always unique. Because the towns you built were your own. Springfield isn’t just a city in some state bordering Alaska — it's our home. And we hope your Springfield was a home to you as well. It's been an amazing twelve years. Thank you for joining us and being a part of it! And now it's time for us to…TAP OUT. Quest reward: 200 and 20