Welcome to Moe's

Welcome to Moe's is a song sung by Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Moe in the episode Mommie Beerest. The music was composed by Alf Clausen and the lyrics by Michael Price. It is the twenty-fifth track on the album The Simpsons: Testify.

Lyrics

Marge:

Maybe some cheerier pink would make this place less of a dive.

Moe:

Marge, my customers don't like themselves, therefore, they seek the darkness.

(patrons groan)

Marge:

Well, as fabulous as your regulars are, a remodel might bring in a higher class of lush.

Moe:

Look, I like Moe's the way it is, alright, and I ain't changin' it for any dames, skirts, Suzy Qs, or facemacer.

Marge:

I had a feeling you'd say that. So I prepared something that might help you change your tune.

This place is a diamond,

But it's trapped in the rough.

Moe:

Yeah, well the sign still says "Moe's,"

So enough of your guff.

Marge:

Here's my new idea

To sell both beer and grub:

We will turn this filthy dive

Into a proper old-time British pub.

Moe:

A British bar?

Bart and Lisa:

(to the tune of "Rule Brittania")

Guards and meat pies,

And lager in pint glasses.

What a classy way

To get drunk off your asses!

Moe:

Hey, hold the phone! An English pub! That just might work!

All:

In song!

Moe:

Oh, my bar could be British instead of arm-pittish

So why don't we all--

Ah, screw it, let's get renovating.