The Wettest Stories Ever Told/Quotes
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< The Wettest Stories Ever Told
Revision as of 11:14, May 6, 2011 by Solar Dragon (talk)
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- Captain McCallister: Yarr. Sorry about the delay. The chef is having a problem with tonight's sepcial. (A knife-weilding chef is battling an octopus with eight knives). Meanwhile, I can send a busboy out to get you somethin' from a better restaurant.
- Marge: Red Lobster?
- Captain McCallister: Not that good (the family moan in dissapointment). Until then, perhaps an old sea yarn may pass the time. Too bad I don't know any.
- Lisa: I know one, about the most inportant sea voyage in American history. The journey of "Mayflower".
- Captain McCallister: Ah, yes. The ship that brought prostitutes to America.
- Lisa: Not prostitutes, Protestants.
- Captain McCallister: Now who's being naiive?
Mayflower Madman
Homer: I'm so bored, I figured out where the wallpaper pattern repeats. See, it goes: ship's wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat, fish with boobs, and back to ship's wheel. Lisa: What about this swordfish?
- Homer: Oh! My life's work is ruined.
- Marge: Do you have your shipboard entertainments?
- Bart: I've got my toy wood lump! (he drops a lump of wood on the floor and starts to kick it around) What jolly fun!
- Beefeater Lenny: Has anyone seen this knave? (he holds up a picture of Homer)
- Beefeater Carl: He's wanted for daring to question why we call this the Jacobean era when the king's name is James, not Jacob.
- Lisa: Mother, we must protect him. Look, he's praying.
- Homer: Oh Lord, please let the soldiers kill this family instead of me.
- Homer: So, though art a widow, eh? Then the codpiece holds no terrors for thee.
