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| Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Cards
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- "Tell your loved ones 'Merry Christmas' in person. Don't let some disgruntled mailman do it for you!"
- ―Abraham Simpson
| Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Cards
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| Comic Story information
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Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Cards is a Simpsons Winter Wingding story that appears in The Simpsons Winter Wingding #6.
Synopsis
Grampa presents his take on the origin of Christmas cards.
Plot
Bart and Lisa are about to mail several Christmas cards. When they get the mailbox's door open, they are surprised to find Grampa inside the mailbox. When they ask Grampa what he's doing in there, he replies, "I can't let you send those cards because of the evil they represent!"
The scene shifts to Christmas Eve in 19th-century London, England as Grampa tells how the tradition of sending Christmas cards began. Burnseneezer Scrooge is counting money at his place of business and his employee Bob Cratchit says that he's going home. Scrooge admonishes him that since he's leaving early for Christmas, he needs to arrive early the day after. Cratchit says that he couldn't afford a gift for Scrooge, but his son Gimpy Tom made a card for him. Scrooge is skeptical at the idea of a Christmas card, but Cratchit tells him, "It's just a few words to sum up our appreciation for your generosity." The card says "Merry Christmas, Mr. Burnseneezer" and has a drawing of a Christmas tree. Although crudely drawn and written, the card brings a smile to Scrooge's face and a tear to his eye as he and Cratchit exchange good-nights.
Scrooge's lackey, Smarmley, seated at a low desk, asks if Scrooge is okay. Scrooge tartly replies that "This construction of pen, paper and sickly sentiment is the Ghost of Christmas Future!" and announces that they're now in the greeting card business. The scene shifts forward in time, revealing that within a year Scrooge has built a greeting card empire, creating cards for every occasion, with Cratchit as his writer. Cratchit is shocked to receive a card that reads "So sorry for your loss of gainful employment", and Scrooge says that he's firing Cratchit because he didn't finish the Boxing Day cards on time. Cratchit asks who will write the cards now, and Scrooge gestures at a group of street urchins whom he's just hired. Scrooge says they are both cheap and easily replaceable—if one of them dies from ink poisoning as Smarmley did, he'll just grab another from the back alley. Scrooge tells the orphans to consider themselves at home, and Grampa, concluding the story, says that "Greeting cards became a holiday fixture: Cheap sentiment produced by the labor of child slaves!"
Back in the present, Grampa says "Phooey!" to the idea of Christmas cards and says that Bart and Lisa should give their loved ones Christmas greetings in person, instead of "[letting] some disgruntled mailman do it for you". Lisa, somewhat hesitantly, gives Grampa his Christmas card, handing it through the mailbox's opening. The mailbox door closes, and Grampa says he loves Christmas cards, but asks if someone can get him a flashlight or some matches, as he can't see to read the card. Bart and Lisa walk away, and Lisa asks if they should tell Mom and Dad that Grampa is in the mailbox. Bart dismissively replies, "Meh. The mailman will come eventually."
Reprints
