So Dumb (Homer's Lament)

So Dumb (Homer's Lament) is a track off of Dan Castellaneta's second album "I Am Not Homer". It is the only track on the album that actually has anything to do with The Simpsons. It features a majority of the major characters that Castellaneta plays on the show including Homer, Grampa, Barney, Groundskeeper Willie and Krusty. The song was written by Castellaneta.

Lyrics

Curt:

Alright, Homer, studio's all yours.

Homer:

Thanks, Curt.

(cymbals are heard crashing)

Grampa:

Why did you take me out of the home? What is this place?

Homer:

It's a recording studio, Dad. I want you to sing on my record.

Groundskeeper Willie:

Don't play with those!

Barney:

I'm not playin', I fell backwards.

Groundskeeper Willie:

Oh, sorry.

Barney:

Uh-oh, some rock musician puked in here last night!

Grampa:

Ewww!

Groundskeeper Willie:

I'm not cleanin' it up.

Barney:

(sniffs) Wait, it's mine.

Homer:

Barney!

Krusty:

Hey, what's goin' on here?

Homer:

Oh, hi, Krusty. We're laying in the background vocals of my hit song.

Krusty:

Hey, I'm s'posed to have this studio to record my new doll, Talking Krusty.

Homer:

Oh, I'm sorry, Krusty, but we do have the studio from 8:05 to 8:10.

Groundskeeper Willie:

That's right, clown.

Krusty:

All right. I'm gonna be across the street banking a few business transactions and I'll be back. And once I'm here, you're outta here.

Homer:

Okay, we better hurry up, guys. Now, let's hear your parts.

(everyone sings in imperfect harmony)

Homer:

Good...good...alright, well, when I put a reverb on it, it'll sound great. Hey, Barney, what are you doin'?

Barney:

Settin' up my tape recorder.

Homer:

What for?

Barney:

I'm gonna record this session.

Homer:

What?

Barney:

Yeah, I'm gonna bootleg the record.

Groundskeeper Willie:

Bootleg?

Homer:

No bootlegging!

Barney:

But—

Homer:

Turn it off!

Barney:

But, Ho—

Homer:

Turn it off!

Barney:

All right.

Homer:

Alright, now. I'm gonna go in the booth and when you guys hear the bass dealey, you start singing.

Barney:

Okay, Homer.

Groundskeeper Willie:

Alright, I understand.

Grampa:

What're we supposed to do?

Groundskeeper Willie:

Quiet.

Homer:

Okay, where's it? Oh, here it is. This is "So Dumb: Background Vocals, Take One."

(bass plays and the boys start to sing)

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

Aaaahhhhhhhhh...

Homer:

The nuclear plant

Is the reason I can't

Make a baby with Marge anymore.

The reason I'm fat,

So they tell me, is that

I eat eight meals instead of just four.

Or because my children

Are loud and burdensome.

But somehow my brain's

At a loss to explain

The reason I've gotten so dumb.

Maybe it's beer

Ev'ry day of the year

That is killing the cells in my brain.

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

Ooh-wah-ahhhh

Homer:

And if that is true,

Then what else can I do

If it's beer that is really to blame?

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

Ooh-wah-ahhhh

Homer:

I have to stop beer drinking

And switch to gin or rum.

But if I could choose,

Forget brains! I'll take booze!

Tell me how have I gotten...

Homer, Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

So dumb!

Grampa:

Don't be so glum

About being dumb.

Homer:

My father told me once.

Grampa:

Son, it's okay,

Go out and play

With all the other runts.

You are just fine.

I really don't mind

All your stupid stunts.

Just wear a hat,

Your pointy hat

Indicating you're a dunce!

(Grampa, Barney and Willie vocalize)

Homer:

I am so stupid!...I said, "I am so stupid!"...You're supposed to say, "How stupid am I?"...I'll wait...Did you say, "How stupid are you?"...I am so stupid that if I ever had a...Whenever I would...D'OH!

I have to say, "D'oh!"

'Cuz I really don't know

Who my congressman is to this day.

Hate that it's sad,

But, hey, it's not so bad,

'Cuz I really don't vote anyway.

I can't think of the lyrics.

I guess I'll have to hum.

La da dee da da da

I forgot to wear pants

Tell me da da da dee dee...

Homer, Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

So dumb!

Homer:

My kids are all smart,

Maggie, Lisa and Bart

And the dog and the cat laugh at me.

Well, they really don't laugh.

I just made that part up.

So forget what I said. Nevermind.

Now what was I just singing?

I know it rhymes with "dumb".

Was it crumb, was it bum,

Or about bubblegum?

I forgot. Now sometimes I'm...

Homer, Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

So dumb!

Grampa, Barney, and Willie:

Eat donuts, eat donuts,

Eat donuts, eat donuts, etc.

La, la la, la, la, la

La, la la, la la, etc.

Krusty:

All right, I'm back from the entre letting place. Are you finished?

Homer:

I'm almost finished, Krusty. Gonna fade out right here.

Krusty:

Well, hurry up, I haven't got all day!

Homer:

(trying to get Willie, Grampa and Barney's attentions) Okay, guys, that's enough! Wait a minute! How come they can't hear me?

Krusty:

Press the talkback button.

Homer:

Which one is it?

Krusty:

Do I look like an engineer?

Homer:

I'll try this one. Guys, guys!

Krusty:

Try that button.

Homer:

Guys! Guys, can you hear me? How about this button?

Krusty:

No, that's not workin', they can't hear ya. Hey! Hello!

Homer:

What does this knob do?

Krusty:

You mean the one that says, "Don't Touch"?! Don't touch it!

(too late because the tape starts speeding up)

Homer:

What happens if I do? It—Wait a minute! Stop it! Stop the tape machine!!

Krusty:

I dunno how to stop it!

Homer:

It's eating up the tape!!! Oh!

(Willie, Grampa, and Barney are still singing)

Guys...Guys! I just ruined the tape!

Barney:

Homer's wavin' at us! What is it, Homer? Quiet, guys!

Groundskeeper Willie:

Quiet, guys! Shut it!

(they stop singing)

Grampa:

What th—?

Barney:

What's wrong, Homer?

Grampa:

What's going on?

Groundskeeper Willie:

What's wrong?

Homer:

Oh, Barney, I ruined the tape. (everyone groans) The machine ate up all the tape.

Groundskeeper Willie:

Well, that's it for me.

Barney:

Don't worry, Homer.

Grampa:

I could've been home watching Matlock.

Homer:

Why?

Barney:

'Cause I never turned off my tape recorder. I have it all on my own tape recorder!

Groundskeeper Willie:

Ach! He's right!

Homer:

Oh, Barney, thank goodness for you!

Groundskeeper Willie:

Thank goodness for you!

Homer:

Sometimes I'm so dumb!

Grampa:

You got that right!

Barney:

Aw, Homer, you're not dumb. You wrote the song, didn't ya?

Homer:

Yeah.

Barney:

And you got a record company to release it.

Groundskeeper Willie:

That's right.

Homer:

Hey, you're right.

Barney:

And you're gonna get a lot of royalties from it.

Homer:

Royalties?

Barney:

You know, money. Homer?

(pause)

Homer:

D'OOOOHHHH!!!

Grampa:

I'm gonna take a nap.