Difference between revisions of "Grampa's Christmas Origins: Christmas Cards/Quotes"
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:'''Lisa''': How are we supposed to get these Christmas cards into the mailbox? The opening is too high! | :'''Lisa''': How are we supposed to get these Christmas cards into the mailbox? The opening is too high! | ||
:'''Bart''': Allow me. ''[takes off his scarf]'' I learned this scarf trick from watching old Christmas cartoons on TV. | :'''Bart''': Allow me. ''[takes off his scarf]'' I learned this scarf trick from watching old Christmas cartoons on TV. | ||
| − | :''[Bart uses his scarf to snag the handle of the mailbox door and pull it open. Inside, to their surprise, they find ...]'' | + | :''[Bart uses his scarf to snag the handle of the mailbox door and pull it open. Inside, to their surprise, they find...]'' |
:'''[[Grampa]]''': Take your cheesy greeting card cheer somewhere else! | :'''[[Grampa]]''': Take your cheesy greeting card cheer somewhere else! | ||
:'''Bart''': Grampa?! What are you doing in there? | :'''Bart''': Grampa?! What are you doing in there? | ||
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:''[The scene shifts to 19-century [[London]]. We see [[Burnseneezer Scrooge]] in his place of business, counting money, and his employee, [[Bob Cratchit]].]'' | :''[The scene shifts to 19-century [[London]]. We see [[Burnseneezer Scrooge]] in his place of business, counting money, and his employee, [[Bob Cratchit]].]'' | ||
:'''Cratchit''': Burnseneezer Scrooge, if there's nothing else, I'll be on my way. | :'''Cratchit''': Burnseneezer Scrooge, if there's nothing else, I'll be on my way. | ||
| − | :'''Scrooge''': Leaving early for Christmas ... Eh, Bob Cratchit? You'd best be here bright and early the day after. | + | :'''Scrooge''': Leaving early for Christmas... Eh, Bob Cratchit? You'd best be here bright and early the day after. |
:'''Cratchit''': I couldn't afford a gift, sir, but my son, Gimpy Tom, made this card for you. ''[hands Scrooge a card]'' | :'''Cratchit''': I couldn't afford a gift, sir, but my son, Gimpy Tom, made this card for you. ''[hands Scrooge a card]'' | ||
:''[Scrooge takes the card. It reads "Merry Christmas, Mr. Burnseneezer" and has a drawing of a Christmas tree.]'' | :''[Scrooge takes the card. It reads "Merry Christmas, Mr. Burnseneezer" and has a drawing of a Christmas tree.]'' | ||
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:'''[[Grampa]]''': ''[narrating]'' Within a year [[Burnseneezer Scrooge|Burnseneezer]] built a greeting card empire, creating cards for every occasion. | :'''[[Grampa]]''': ''[narrating]'' Within a year [[Burnseneezer Scrooge|Burnseneezer]] built a greeting card empire, creating cards for every occasion. | ||
:''[The scene shifts forward in time to show an ink-smeared [[Bob Cratchit]] at his table working on a stack of cards and looking dismayed at a card he's just received.]'' | :''[The scene shifts forward in time to show an ink-smeared [[Bob Cratchit]] at his table working on a stack of cards and looking dismayed at a card he's just received.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Cratchit''': ''[reading the card]'' "So sorry for your loss ... of gainful employment"?! | + | :'''Cratchit''': ''[reading the card]'' "So sorry for your loss... of gainful employment"?! |
:'''Scrooge''': That's right, Cratchit! You didn't finish the Boxing Day cards on time, so you're fired! Now take your ink and get out! | :'''Scrooge''': That's right, Cratchit! You didn't finish the Boxing Day cards on time, so you're fired! Now take your ink and get out! | ||
:'''Cratchit''': But who will write the cards from now on? | :'''Cratchit''': But who will write the cards from now on? | ||
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:''[Back to the present. [[Grampa]] glares at [[Lisa]] from inside the mailbox.]'' | :''[Back to the present. [[Grampa]] glares at [[Lisa]] from inside the mailbox.]'' | ||
:'''Grampa''': Well, I say "Phooey!" Tell your loved ones "Merry Christmas" in person. Don't let some disgruntled mailman do it for you! | :'''Grampa''': Well, I say "Phooey!" Tell your loved ones "Merry Christmas" in person. Don't let some disgruntled mailman do it for you! | ||
| − | :'''Lisa''' ''[hesitantly]'' Umm ... Here's a Christmas card for you anyway, Grampa. | + | :'''Lisa''' ''[hesitantly]'' Umm... Here's a Christmas card for you anyway, Grampa. |
:''[Grampa takes the card and the mailbox door clanks shut.]'' | :''[Grampa takes the card and the mailbox door clanks shut.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Grampa''': Oh goody! I love Christmas cards! ... But I can't see! Can someone get me a flashlight, or some matches? Hello ... | + | :'''Grampa''': Oh goody! I love Christmas cards!... But I can't see! Can someone get me a flashlight, or some matches? Hello... |
:''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Bart]] and Lisa walk away from the mailbox.]'' | :''<nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Bart]] and Lisa walk away from the mailbox.]'' | ||
:'''Lisa''': Should we tell [[Marge Simpson|Mom]] and [[Homer Simpson|Dad]] he's in there? | :'''Lisa''': Should we tell [[Marge Simpson|Mom]] and [[Homer Simpson|Dad]] he's in there? | ||
:'''Bart''': Meh. The mailman will come eventually. | :'''Bart''': Meh. The mailman will come eventually. | ||
Revision as of 17:16, February 22, 2020
- [Bart and Lisa are at a mailbox, about to mail a stack of Christmas cards.]
- Lisa: How are we supposed to get these Christmas cards into the mailbox? The opening is too high!
- Bart: Allow me. [takes off his scarf] I learned this scarf trick from watching old Christmas cartoons on TV.
- [Bart uses his scarf to snag the handle of the mailbox door and pull it open. Inside, to their surprise, they find...]
- Grampa: Take your cheesy greeting card cheer somewhere else!
- Bart: Grampa?! What are you doing in there?
- Grampa: I can't let you send those cards because of the evil they represent!
- Grampa: [narrating] The tradition of sending Christmas cards began long ago, before there were hippies, but for some reason everybody dressed that way.
- [The scene shifts to 19-century London. We see Burnseneezer Scrooge in his place of business, counting money, and his employee, Bob Cratchit.]
- Cratchit: Burnseneezer Scrooge, if there's nothing else, I'll be on my way.
- Scrooge: Leaving early for Christmas... Eh, Bob Cratchit? You'd best be here bright and early the day after.
- Cratchit: I couldn't afford a gift, sir, but my son, Gimpy Tom, made this card for you. [hands Scrooge a card]
- [Scrooge takes the card. It reads "Merry Christmas, Mr. Burnseneezer" and has a drawing of a Christmas tree.]
- Scrooge: [skeptical] A Christmas card?! I've never heard of such a thing!
- Cratchit: It's just a few words to sum up our appreciation for your generosity. [heads for the door] Good night, sir! And have a merry Christmas!
- Scrooge: [tearing up and sniffling as he gets the point of the card] Good night, Cratchit.
- [A voice comes from below the money that Scrooge was counting. It's Smarmley, hunched over and working at a low desk.]
- Smarmley: Are you okay, Burnseneezer?
- Scrooge: This simple construction of pen, paper, and sickly sentiment is the Ghost of Christmas Future! Smarmley, my faithful lackey, from this moment on we're in the greeting card business!
- Grampa: [narrating] Within a year Burnseneezer built a greeting card empire, creating cards for every occasion.
- [The scene shifts forward in time to show an ink-smeared Bob Cratchit at his table working on a stack of cards and looking dismayed at a card he's just received.]
- Cratchit: [reading the card] "So sorry for your loss... of gainful employment"?!
- Scrooge: That's right, Cratchit! You didn't finish the Boxing Day cards on time, so you're fired! Now take your ink and get out!
- Cratchit: But who will write the cards from now on?
- Scrooge: [gesturing at a group of sickly-looking children] These street urchins! They're cheap, and if one dies of ink poisoning like old Smarmley did, I'll simply grab another from the back alley! [to the children] Consider yourselves at home, dear orphans!
- Grampa: [narrating] Greeting cards became a holiday fixture: Cheap sentiment produced by the labor of child slaves!
- [Back to the present. Grampa glares at Lisa from inside the mailbox.]
- Grampa: Well, I say "Phooey!" Tell your loved ones "Merry Christmas" in person. Don't let some disgruntled mailman do it for you!
- Lisa [hesitantly] Umm... Here's a Christmas card for you anyway, Grampa.
- [Grampa takes the card and the mailbox door clanks shut.]
- Grampa: Oh goody! I love Christmas cards!... But I can't see! Can someone get me a flashlight, or some matches? Hello...
- [Bart and Lisa walk away from the mailbox.]
- Lisa: Should we tell Mom and Dad he's in there?
- Bart: Meh. The mailman will come eventually.
