Difference between revisions of "Into Harm's Way"

{{TB|Court orders. You’re too harsh on adults and too mean for children. We are hoping Baby Court will be just right for you.}}

{{TB|Sorry, I don’t have baby fever. Just dengue, yellow, and cat-scratch.}}

{{TB|Where are the babies’ lawyers? There should be one behind each snack table.}}

{{TB|You two tiny adults. You will be these itsy-bitsy adults’ lawyers. I hope for their sake you’ve passed the bar.}}

{{TB|I’ve snuck into a bar. Does that count?}}

{{TB|Children, I’ve written down everything you need to know about being a lawyer on this card.}}

{{TB|It just says – “Settle.” Hmm…}}

{{TB|Now you, sir, how do you feel about recklessly wielding your disproportionate amount of power and determining people’s fates on a whim?}}

{{TB|What are these babies’ crimes? Except the obvious ones of being on an airplane or eating in public.}}

{{TB|That’s proof enough for me. Guilty!}}

{{TB|But I already banged my gavel! It’s the second best part of my job, after Meatball Mondays.}}

{{TB|Fine. Bailiff, assist in changing the defendant’s diaper. I’d help, but I’ve got important work to do.}}

{{TB|Alright Maggie, if that’s your real name, let’s hear your side of the crime.}}

{{TB|Objection! My client says that he saw the lollipop first. It’s a classic finders keepers scenario.}}

{{TB|Unless we produce this contested property, I can’t make my ruling.}}

{{TB|Wait a minute! I’ve got it! Babies stick out your tongues.}}

{{TB|It’s subpoena time!}}

{{TB|I have to pay for it out of pocket, but it’s worth it!}}

{{TB|Oh, candy gets stolen from a baby and now everyone looks toward the town’s only known baby candy thief. Is there no justice?}}

{{TB|Nooo! It wasn’t me. I swear. I was at a benefit to save the ocean from the whales.}}

{{TB|Mr. Burns, I’ve just been informed that you have threatened to start a lengthy and expensive judicial impeachment campaign. Unrelated, you are free to go.}}

{{TB|I guess we’re back to that classic conundrum: who’s the guiltier baby?}}

{{TB|Another inside job, another case closed. Maybe I should do a better job vetting my employees…}}

{{TB|But I must say, I’ve grown fond of these babies. Maybe one day I’ll become an aunt and occasionally send age-inappropriate gifts to my niece. But today, I will keep my kindness to the sentencing.}}

{{TB|I’m moving you to Critter Court. The only all-animal court this side of the Mississippi. Whichever side that might be.}}