Difference between revisions of "The Call of the Simpsons/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 08:48, March 13, 2022

[Bart runs to Homer after he is shot by a tranquilizer dart]

Homer: Avenge me, son. Avenge my death.

[Homer starts to snore loudly and Bart looks at him surprised]

[At a press conference scientists discuss their findings on Homer]

German Scientist: This much I believe we can agree upon: this specimen is either a below-average human being or...a brilliant beast.

[Homer and Bart search for a way out of the forest]

Homer: Through here, boy. Back to civilization.

Bart: How do you know?

Homer: When you're an experienced woodsman like me, you get a feel for these things. It becomes natural, like a third sense.

[Bob the RV salesman tries to sell Homer the small, beat up RV]

Bob: Mr. Simpson, you're never gonna own a better RV. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean literally, buddy. This is for you, you know? It's this or a wagon.

[Bob the RV salesman checks Homer's credit on a computer, and a siren wails when the results come back]

Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?

Bob: You ever known a siren to be good? [Chuckles) No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind, telling me, "Sell the vehicle to this fella, and you're outta business." That's what the siren says.

[Bob the RV salesman shows the Simpson family the "Ultimate Behemoth"]

Bart: Does it have its own satellite dish, sir?

Bob: You can tell your son it has its own satellite. The VanStar One, launched last February, just for this thing, that's all.

Bart: Whoa, man!

Marge: I'm not sure that we can afford--

Homer: Does it have a deep fryer?

Bob: It has four of them—one for each part of the chicken.

[A naturalist captures a muddy Homer on tape and the footage is shown on the news]

Reporter: Now, the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was most impressed by the creature's uncivilized look, it's foul language and, most of all, it's indescribable stench.

[Homer and Bart survive after falling over a waterfall]

Homer: Oh, Bart! Oh, Bart, my beautiful son! Why couldn't You have taken me? Of all the fates on Heaven and Earth, why did this one befall me? (Sobs Loudly)

Bart: Don't have a cow, Dad.

Homer: What the—D'oh! [Sees Bart on the other side of the river) You're alive! And (Chuckles) butt naked!

Bart: I'm not the only one who's naked, Home boy.

Homer: What? Oh! (Chuckles) Jungle man.

[Homer beats his chest and hollers like Tarzan]

[After his RV crashes at the bottom of a canyon, Homer needs a minute alone]

Homer: [To Marge and the kids] Now you all stay here for a minute while I go over this way and try to get my bearings.

[Homer walks into the woods a little ways]

Homer: What am I gonna do? I've murdered us all!

Homer's Echo: I've murdered us all! I've murdered us all!

Homer: Shut up!

Homer's Echo: Shut up! Shut up!

Homer: D'oh!

Homer's Echo: D'oh! D'oh!

[Marge groans, as she and the kids can hear Homer's echo]

[Bart and Lisa entertain each other in the back seat of the RV]

Bart: Turkey farm?

Lisa: No.

Bart: Skunks?

Lisa: No.

Bart: Slaughterhouse?

Lisa: No.

Marge: What are you doing back there?

Lisa: We're playing, "What's that odor?"

Bart: Dad's feet?

Homer: Bart!

Lisa: You win, Bart.

Homer: Lisa!

Bart: Are we there yet, Dad?

Homer: I'll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.

[Homer drives by Ned Flanders's house in his "new" RV]

Homer: Hey, Flanders! Look what I've got!

Ned Flanders: (Whistles) Oh, she's a beaut! Hey, congratulations, Simpson! I'm sure you'll have loads of fun!

Homer: (Chuckles to Marge] Jealous.

[Homer's "Bigfoot" story is reported on TV]

Reporter: Naturally, we'll have more on this story as soon as it develops. We now return you to the President's address, already in progress.

[Homer and Bart head off to find civilization]

Lisa: Remember, Dad, the handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.

Homer: (Chuckles) That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.

[Marge and Lisa both groan]

Bart: Hey, Dad, how come we can't get a decent mower, like the Flanders have?

Homer: Just be happy with what you've got, son. Don't try to keep up with the Flander-es-es.

[Bob the RV salesman sees Homer walk onto the lot]

Bob: Thank you, God.

[Ned Flanders shows off his new RV to Homer]

Homer: But, uh, how can you afford something like this, Ned? I get your mail once in a while, and you make only $27 a week more than I do.