Difference between revisions of "My Fair Quimby"

Latest revision as of 10:55, August 11, 2024

My Fair Quimby is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the 4th of July 2016 content update. It requires Springfield National Park to be obtained.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark "Our country -- this great Republic -- means nothing unless it means the triumph of--" WHAT THE-- WHERE AM I? WHERE DID THE WHITE HOUSE GO, AND WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON WEARING PINCE NEZ EYEGLASSES? President Teddy Roosevelt! I was just wondering which ex-President would appear in Springfield this July fourth. You mean I'm not the first? Not even close. Sorry. Nice glasses, by the way. *snickers* Yeah. Super cool. You look awesome. *snickers* THESE GLASSES WERE THE HEIGHT OF FASHION IN MY DAY! I should explain how you got here. You see, every July fourth a rift in the space-time continuum opens and... What are you doing? Knee bends. Vigorous squatting is the key to a powerful, manly physique. Okay, great... Anyway, as a champion of the national park system, what do you think of our new park? Beautiful. Now, if you'll hand me that shotgun, I'm going to go hunt every living creature in it to death. Task: "Make Teddy Go Hunting". The job takes place at Springfield National Park and takes 24 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark How was your hunt, Mr. President? Not bad. Shot about a million rabbits. I don't like rabbit meat, so I left them there. Still, fun stuff. Isn't that kind of wasteful? I thought you believed in conservation? Say... how much do you want to bet I can lift that big rock over my head? Mr. President? I asked you a question? One... two... three... And... he's doing knee bends again. Man, this guy's got a shorter attention span than Bart. Well, he was INCREDIBLY accomplished. An author, historian, statesman, explorer, businessman, naturalist... I guess you'd have to be a little hyper to do all that. I'm the best arm-wrestler I know. Some men's arms look bigger than mine, but I have excellent technique. I went to a zoo, and you know tigers? I watched the tigers and I figured out why they're so strong and I copied it and now no one can beat me. ... ... I'm thirsty. Point me to the nearest tavern. Task: "Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern". Task: "Make Teddy Take Refreshments". The job takes place at Moe's Tavern and takes 4 hours. I do so enjoy sharing a pint of ale with the common man. Could you please stop calling us "the common man?" And could you also maybe stop doing jumping jacks? It's weird. I'm bored. I need a project. Are there any hills in town crawling with Spanish soldiers? I could storm one of those. We stormed our last Spaniard hill a few months ago. Sorry. Any giant corporations in town I could bust up? Not really. Just Mr. Burns. Tell me about this "Mr. Burns"... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark So you're basically telling me that Mr. Burns and his corporation run this town? This is exactly why we must never allow corporations to grow too powerful. I thought you said you were a Republican? What's strange about a Republican being anti-big-business? EVERYTHING! If President Ronald Reagan could hear you, he'd never stop being sick. Ronald Reagan the future actor becomes future President? Now I've heard everything! Gentlemen, I busted up Standard Oil, and now I'm gonna bust up Standard Burns! Take me to your mayor! Task: "Reach Level 20 and Build the Town Hall". Task: "Make Teddy Meet With Quimby". The job takes place at the Town Hall and takes 2 hours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark Mayor Quimby, all that is required to stem the tide of corporate greed is for men of courage to stand shoulder-to-shoulder. Hold on, this is good stuff. I want to write this down. "Men... of... courage." And where do we find such men? Why, you and I will be the men of courage. And together--- Now see here! I am an inveterate coward, and proud of it! Not anymore, you're not! We're gonna go right at Mr. Burns, just like I stormed San Juan Hill! Charge! Task: "Make Teddy Lead the Charge". The job takes 8 hours. When someone screams "charge!" that's your cue to ante up and run laughing into the face of death. Yeah, see, huge coward. I thought I explained that to you. Anyway, I heard the real heroes of your little charge up San Juan Hill were the Buffalo Soldier regiments. But since you were a more convenient hero for the media than a group of black soldiers... One... two... three... As soon as things get uncomfortable, he goes back to the knee bends. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark I'll make a man of you yet, Joe Quimby. Mr. Burns is too powerful. He's got the nuclear plant, a basketball team, vast real estate holdings, and the best cupcake shop in town. Really? He owns Lovin' Cups? No, no. Mr. Burns' cupcake shop is Sweet Emotions. It's way better than Lovin' Cups. I oughta kill you for saying that! Grown men do not debate the merits of dessert treats! Quimby, grab your rucksack. We're gonna toughen you up with a camping trip! Task: "Make Teddy Go Camping With Quimby". The job takes place at Springfield National Park and takes 24 hours. Quimby! You couldn't even last one night in the woods? I woke up an hour before sunrise and I was all alone! You were not! I left behind a fact-finding committee to investigate the feasibility of future mayoral camping. I eagerly look forward to their report. It should be finished in the next six months. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 6[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark Quimby, you may not be an outdoorsman, but there's other ways to be tough. Did you know I once gave a campaign speech moments after being shot in the chest? Good Lord. Why? Probably because I have poor self-esteem that I mask with extreme risk-taking behavior. Who knows? Here, I'll do it again. No! Please don't! This won't teach me anything! Me first, then you! Task: "Make Teddy Give a Speech". The job takes place at the Town Hall and takes 60 minutes. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 7[edit]

After tapping on Teddy Roosevelt's exclamation mark Hoo boy. I'm not going to lie -- that hurt. Wow. Okay Joe. Your turn to get shot. Joe? Joe? Task: "Make Quimby Hide From Teddy". The job takes place at the Town Hall and takes 8 hours. There you are, Quimby! Have you no shame? Of course not! And whatever you say, it's never stopped me from winning elections before. Well, I acted with courage, and won my presidential election all the same! ONE election! You won ONE election? See, I was initially the Vice President, but then McKinley was assassinated. Then I ran for re-election the one time, then I wearied of politics and retired. Why? One election! I'm taking advice from a political noob! What does this term mean, "noob?" It means come back when you've been elected a half-dozen more times and MAYBE I'll listen. Noob. I don't appreciate your tone sir. Put up yer dukes and fight like a man. Hey look, a defenseless squirrel! Where? Out of my way! Get my gun and give me a clear shot! *chuckles* Noob. Quest reward: 200 and 20