The Simpsons Supporters' Suggestion Spin Cycle!/Quotes

Quotes

Editor: Believe us, we get letters! So many, in fact, that we have lost six interns this year alone to mail-slides and other bulk postage mishaps. Due to this incredible (and dangerous) volume of mail, we are unable to answer your letters individually. But we do listen to your ideas and criticisms, as evidenced in the following feature! See your dreams for Bongo come to life in the next four pages as we take a simple story and put it through... The Simpsons Supporters' Suggestion Spin Cycle! First, let's take a look at what our story would look like without your valuable input. Next, see how your letters affect Bongo's unique brand of storycrafting.

Principal Skinner: Bart, you've gone too far this time. You've driven yet another substitute teacher to early retirement, shown blatant disrespect for long division, and worst of all, you've made Willie cry.

Groundskeeper Willie: T'aint the bairn. Sob It's these homemade contact lenses!

Skinner: You really should let a trained optometrist make those.

Willie: I would if I could afford it! Why don't ye give me a raise ye tight-fisted doily stitcher.

Skinner: Now see here! Mock me if you must, but leave the doilies out of this! Mother prefers them homemade.

Bart: I can't believe that worked!

Homer: It's the school's fault for not declaring New Burger Day at Krustyburger a national holiday. Lousy Congress! Do me a favor and get into trouble next Wednesday around nine thirty. The NRC is having a plant inspection, and I could use the whole day off!

Bart: It's a deal!

Letter: Dear Editor, I was offended by the last issue of Simpsons Comics and would like to cancel my subscription. The book normally bites but this one takes the cake. If I ever see any of you in person I’ll cream you! Sincerely, Randolf Schooley

Editor: Bites? Cake? Cream? Sounds like somebody’s hungry! Maybe this will satisfy your craving, Randolf.

Skinner: I'm so blitzed on sugar I've forgotten why I called you to my office, Bart! You're free to go!

Bart: Wow! Thanks, Principal Sucker! Krustycakes™! Is there anything in the whole wide world these tasty little snack treats can't do?

Letter: To the Editor, Alternate timelines? Poetry contests? Amnesiacs dressed up as superheroes? Methinks your comics are getting a bit too highbrow for the kids. As our little ones are our most precious resource, couldn't you tell more children-oriented stories in your comics? Maybe a tale of happy anthropomorphic dinosaurs who juggle fruit or something? Sincerely, Ms. Susan M. Ferguson

Editor: Ms. Ferguson, we too believe that children are our future (the good future, not the bad one where the robots hunt us down for our skin). With that in mind, here's one for the kids...

Skinner: But you got ratted out by my star-bellied snitch!

Willie: Ach! I refuse t'take part in yer girly poetry unless I kin make it a dirty limerick! There once was a star-bellied snitch, who...

Skinner: Willie! This is a children's story!

Willie: Yeah, right! Like they don't know what rhymes with snitch!

Letter: Dear Editors, Attention Deficit Disorder is a serious problem that...um...say, you know, if the French word for grape is raisin, what do they call raisins? Catherine Kinsey

Editor: Catherine, we understand your problem and sympathize completely. Many of us here at Bongo suffer from similar maladies, such as "channel surfer syndrome," "download patience inadequacy," and "microwave timer hypoplasia." This one's for you, Catherine. It won't take but a minute.

Willie: Ach! There's more meat in me boot than this wee burger.

Skinner: Well Bart, I was certainly upset at you a few minutes ago.

Homer: But I promised to take care of things in a threatening manner.

Bart: Right.

Homer: And we fooled you completely! What a couple of first class suckers! It was a perfect plan!

Bart: Except for the part where you asked Skinner and Willie to come with us to Krustyburger. And then told them both our plan just now.

Homer: D'oh!