The Return of Xt'tapalatakettle/Quotes

Quotes

X't'h'k'k: You are a fine cat. Your companionship has eased my lonely duty, and brought me strength to endure the many trials of J. Lo and Britney.

Homer: Marge... ...I'm having that dream again... ...the one where there's a crazy old Aztec guy in the kitchen eating all our leftovers.

Marge: Did you have the salami?

Homer: The salami...? No! I don't... You said not to-- so I--! Yes.

Bart: Aaaaagh!! There's a creepy old Aztec witch doctor sleeping at the end of my bed!!

Lisa: No, Bart. He's Olmec. Olmec.

X't'h'k'k: For 50 years, I have lived inside the head of Xt'tapalatakettle, awaiting his terrible and glorious return to bring judgment on humanity. My father and his father's fathers have fulfilled this "ritual of waiting" for more than 800 years. We performed the sacred waiting in our village of Qu'axialquotak, until the sacred head was sold to a Pottery Barn by drunken elders years ago. When Mr. Burns gifted the head to your family, I remained inside, waiting for Xt'tapalatakettle's return.

X't'h'k'k: I am old, and I have no son to carry on the sacred waiting, so I have been desperately planting that suggestion in your sleeping mind for months.

Bart: Whaaat!?

Lisa: It certainly explains all the jewelry you've started wearing.

Bart: Don't be a hater, Lisa... it's just my bling bling. Wait a minute... this bling bling is made of rock! Mom!! Do something!

X't'h'k'k: I am called X't'h'k'k.

Lisa: X't'h'k'k?

X't'h'k'k: No, no. The last apostrophe is silent.

Lisa: X't'h'k'k...?

X't'h'k'k: Better.

Marge: Homer! What happened when you got to the plant naked?

Homer: Ahhh... Everybody screamed for a while. Then they threw towels over me. And then I drove home... ...exactly what happens when I do this when I'm awake! Lousy dream!

Bart: There's this witch doctor in our house that wants me to join his native cult.

Lisa: And we want to convince him that his pagan god has returned to Earth, and that he wants Bart left alone. So... ...we need a space with a crossbeam and an outlet.

Ned Flanders: Well, Lisa, I gotta tell you, I don't like messing around with a man's deeply held religious convictions. But you say this man's a heathen... ...so okily-dokely.

Ned: Homer J. Simpson! How many times are we going to have to go through this?!?

Homer: I burned down your garage, Flanders! And you can't do anything about it because I'm dreaming! In your face, Flanders!!

Ned: ...but after the third carbonized carport, I did start building 'em out of balsa wood and cardboard. They put out real easy, and they're so inexpensive to replace.

Homer: Nyaaa...

Ned: It makes the whole process a lot easier.

Waylon Smithers: We recently discovered that the doddering antiquity standing behind you is 142-years-old... ...making him the oldest living man in Springfield... ...instead of Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns: That complimentary birthday swirlee at Phineas Q. Butterfat's is mine, you churlish pretender!

Marge: But we just found out X't'h'k'k's age a few seconds ago. How did you--?

Mr. Burns: Oh that. You were talking near the head of Xt'tapalatakettle. I've put electronic listening devices into every gift I've ever given. It's cost efficient.

Xt'tapalatakettle: Toss me a cold one.

Homer: It's a regular Duff. I can't afford the Duff Dark.

Xt'tapalatakettle: No, I'm good. Hey, can I have a donut?

Homer: Knock yourself out.

Xt'tapalatakettle: Mmm... ...purple sprinkles. I judge the world to be good.