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Talent, Schmalent: How to Build Your Own Boy Band

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Talent, Schmalent: How to Build Your Own Boy Band
Talent Schmalent book.png
Book Information
Author: Lou Handovarphist, Jr.
Genre: Instructional
First appearance: Faking the Band

Talent, Schmalent: How to Build Your Own Boy Band (also known as the Boy Band Bible) is a guide on how to manage a boy band, written by Lou Handovarphist, Jr., who managed the bands Cookie Cut Boyz and N'Tolerable.

The book states that each boy band must have five members with specific personality types: "the edgy one", "the bad boy", "the cool one", "the boy next door" and "the funny one". It also says the band's agent needs to embark on shady deals. Chapter 8 is titled "So Your Boy Band Has no Talent" and explains that if the band cannot sing, then use other singers' voices, as no-one will be able to tell the difference.


When Homer decided to create his own boy band as a get-rich-quick scheme, he used the book as a source on how to succeed. One of the reasons he chose to use it is because it contained pictures. Using guidance from the book, he selected his five members: Bart (the edgy one), Nelson (the bad boy), Roy (the cool one), Rod (the boy next door) and Ralph (the funny one). He also chose Nigel as the shady agent. When he learned that Ralph was the only member that could actually sing, he consulted Chapter 8 of the book and agreed to record Ralph's voice on five different harmonies, even though he considered it unethical.