Now Museum, Now You Don't! (comic story)/Quotes
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- Mr. Burns: Smithers, get my lawyers in here. I want the director of that moviola sued within an inch of his life. Then I want that inch beaten with a lead pipe!
- Waylon Smithers: Sadly, sir, he died making his next film, "Krusty-Size Me". He decided to eat nothing but extra-large Krusty meals for a month and document his health.
- Mr. Burns: And?
- Waylon Smithers: He died of a heart attack, stroke, and morbid obesity... ...after the first day.
- Mr. Burns: Can we sue his ghost?
- Waylon Smithers: Did you remember when we tried that with Mother Teresa?
- Mr. Burns: Very well, then we'll rewrite history, too! Fight fire with fire Like my father should have done with that show boating monk!
- Homer: Wow! Is that your helicopter?
- Professor Frink: Heli-chooper, my good man. Much better than a gas guzzling copter. It has its own radio broadcast tower, extra-large drink holders for the tasty beverages [GA-HOY!] And it runs on a clean, efficient, endless supply of power.
- Marge: Which is...?
- Professor Frink: Internet spam! Why, I can go 10 miles on one Nigerian bank scam!
- Arnie Pie: This is Arnie Pie with today's traffic watch! There's a big jam on main street so...
- Homer: This is Homer SImpson with your real traffic tip of the day! If you're stuck in that jam, just cut through the park!
- Arnie Pie: What the---?!
- Patty Bouvier: Hmmmm... the big dope was right!
- Luigi Risotto: Mama mia!
- Arnie Pie: This is Arnie Pie...
- Homer: And signal-jamming Homer with your traffic top of the day!
- Agnes Skinner: Quit, Seymour, I want to hear this!
- Principal Skinner: I didn't say anything, mother.
- Agnes: Your were thinking about it through.
- Principal Skinner: Get our of my mind, mother. That's my private space!
- Homer: But before I give you today's tip, here's some fun facts from Lisa...
- Lisa: Did you know that it was George Washington Carver and not Monty Burns' dad, that came up with over 100 new uses for the peanut. He also didn't invent insulin, and gravity is a natural force and not supplied by a generator he created!
- Arnie Pie: Now you're just boring people!
- Homer: You're just jealous because my tips are better than yours.
- Arnie Pie: This sky isn't big enough for the both of us.
- Professor Frink: Actually it is, my good man. why the statistics on the mass of the stratosphere alone are--
- Arnie Pie: I challenge you to a contest of the best traffic tipster! The loser has to quiet!
- Homer: You're on! Prepare to lose, loser!
- Homer: The rules are simple. You'll radio Barney with traffic instructions, I'll radio Marge, and whoever's short-cuts get their driver to the Shelbyville border first... wins!
- Arnie Pie: Gotcha!
- Marge: I don't know about this, Homer!
- Homer: C'mon Marge, you always says we don't talk enoguh! I'll be talking to you the whole time!
- Marge: But I'm not street race.
- Homer: Marge, you have something that Barney will never have!
- Marge: Hert? Spunk? The will fo the arrior?
- Homer: Road rage!
- Marge: But I've been through road rage therapy and I've been taking the pills they gave me.
- Homer: I've been replacing them with candy!
- Marge: What? That makes me furious! Let's race!
