Groundskeeper Willie's History of Golf/Quotes
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- Groundskeeper Willie: Join we, Willie, for a look at the history o' Scotland's greatest gift to the world... golf!
- Message box: Ages ago, shepherds would compete in a primitive game where they tried to hit rocks farther than their friends.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Homer, hit the wee pebbles, not the sheep dip!
- Homer: D'oh!
- Message box: History notes that the ancient Romans played versions of the game.
- Mr. Burns as Julius Caesar: Brutus, look at my putt!
- Message box: In 1457, golf was banned by the Scots parliament because it interfered with military training for the wars against the English. This didn't go down well with the public.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Ya can take me life but you cannae take me three-wood!
- Message box: Mary Queen of Scots was history's first prominent woman golfer.
- Groundskeeper Willie as Mary Queen of Scots: Och! There is not a shred o' me dignity left.
- Bart: Dinnae have a cow, mon.
- Homer: Have you seen my ball?
- Krusty the Clown: Ball? I can't find my clubs!
- Groundskeeper Willie: Golf tip! Don a kilt and drink a fifth o' scotch before play and any course will feel like the links at St. Andrews.
- Homer: You should've seen me birdie the tenth hole!
- Groundskeeper Willie: Och! The closest ye got to a birdie was when your shot and hit that wee sparrow.
- Message box: The date of origin is not known, but one can safely assume that as long as golf has existed, the "19th hole" has been the most beloved on any set of greens.
