Gift Exchange/Quotes

Quotes

Homer: What's everybody all dressed up for? Aw...don't tell me they moved church to Fridays now.

Marge: You'd better get dressed, Homer. Tonight is Ned Flanders' annual Christmas social.

Homer: But I was getting ready to fall asleep on the couch with the TV on!

Marge: I'm sure he'll have his special holiday buffet and cookie table again.

Homer: Woo-hoo! Free pig-out at Flanders' house! All right! Look out, stretchy pants! It's party time!

Marge: Homer, can you promise to behave tonight? Ned tries to throw a nice party every year, and every year you seem to ruin it.

Homer: Hey! How was I to know those antique silver serving bowls weren't to go containers? They did have little lids, y'know! Besides, Flanders bought them back at our summer garage sale. Where do you think all that emergency ice cream money came from?

Marge: Uh-oh!

Bart: There it is, Lisa! Better stock up on cookies. I think Flanders is about to blow!

Ned Flanders: That's it! You are without a doubt the rudest, crudest, most apelike creature to ever walk the earth! You have destroyed yet another holiday gathering with your bad manners and dimwitted barnyard antics! Homer Simpson... ...I cast you out!

Homer: Oohhh...

Homer: Ohhh...I was trying to be good! I really was! But the food and booze were just too tempting! Can I help it if I'm a big guy with big appetites? I must be the worst next-door neighbor in the world! [SNIFF!] I can't believe Flanders called me an ape!

Ned: Actually, I called you an apelike creature. Mind if I sit a spell for some show-and-tell?

Ned: I'm sorry I was a ragin' Cajun earlier. This is for you, Homer. Merry Christmas!

Homer: Huh? But I'm your mortal foe, and I just ruined your party. Why are you giving me a present?

Ned: Why, it's as simple as a nun's habit, neighbor! Without your antics, I'd never have a reason to cry out to God for help or give the old forgiveness muscles much of a workout! Being your neighbor has given me even stronger beliefs... it's like I get to pass a test of faith every day!

Homer: Huh? It's empty.

Ned: Just for the moment! Fill this box with something you've borrowed from me but haven't returned, and that'll be my gift to you! My DVR player? Cordless drill? The Flanders' family fondue fun set?

Homer: Hmmm... Thanks, Ned. You've shown me the true reason for the season.

Ned: Just doing my job, buddy. Just doing my job.

Homer: Hey, Marge! Flanders just said that I can keep the riding lawn mower I borrowed and never gave back! Woo-hoo! I love that thing! This is the best Christmas ever!

Ned: Oh, dear... I had forgotten about that one. [SIGH!]