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Feud, Glorious Feud!/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

Homer: So where are you going?
Ned Flanders: Wherever the road takes us! As long as it's one of the blue Billy Graham-approved, family values states!
Homer: Ned, as your best friend, I feel it's my duty while you're gone to look after your bumper pool table, big screen TV, and imported beer bar!
Ned: Oh, I've got that dovered, Homer! I made a couple of calls, and I'm donating my home to the poor while I'm gone. They take someone out of a filithy shack and let them housesit in the suburbs. It's called the love shack program!

Chief Wiggum: We clocked the vehicle going 90 miles per hour, and the car reeks of booze!
Homer: Wow! I must gave really tied one on, because I don't remember any of that!
Chief Wiggum: Not you! It was our boy, Bart!
Homer: Bart! What did I tell you about drinking and driving?
Bart: Nothing, I'm only ten! I can't drink or drive!
Homer: Touché!

Herman Hermann: Mr. Simpson, I'm Herman of Herman's Military Antiques and Battle Supplies. I understand you're having a feud with your neighbor!
Homer: What? How'd you find out so fast?
Herman: The Internet! Now, I know you both can't use funs, so may I suggest you let me supply you with the next best thing? The Splatter Shot 5000!
Marge: A paint-bull gun? I don't know, Homer!

Bart: Comic Book Guy? What happened?
Comic Book Guy: I had the misfortune of being caught in the crossfire between your father and Cletus this morning.
Bart: Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
Comic Book Guy: No need for apologies! it saved me purchasing a costume for toight's classic Star Trek masquerade ball by mimicking Frank Gorshin in episode #70 of the original series! "Let that be your last Battlefield." preachiest Star Trek ever!

Lisa: I found both of our family trees! if you go back to the mid-1800s, they connect. We're all actually second cousins three times removed
Homer: Huh?
Cletus Spuckler: What? It be true! And the unwritten country code states that there cain't be no feudin' between kinfolk! It just ain't right!
Homer: I agree! I'd never be able to hurt a family member!
Bart: How about all the times you chocked me?
Homer: Those were just neck hugs!