Catastrophe in Substitute Springfields!/Quotes
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- Narrator: Our story begins on an "illusionary" night, which may or may not have actually happened, with the Comic Book Guy, believe it or not, on a date!
- Comic Book Guy: A date with destiny, thank you very much! And I'll handle the snide comments if you don't mind!
- Professor Frink: Behold, The Redundo Ray! [ng-hey] If my calculations are correct, this device, when focused on any object, will impart intense speed to electrified particles by successive atomic impulses at extremely high frequency, causing the ions to transmogrify into an exact duplicate of said object!
- Comic Book Guy: Oh, rapture! Oh, joy! C'mere you twerpy little hunk of genius!
- Professor Frink: Oh, pain! My pocket protector is crushing my windpipe!
- Mr. Burns: Enough of these high school histrionics! Your astounding invention is a triumph! For decades, intellectuals far greater than yours have failed to successfully duplicate molecular structure... and to think it's been accomplished by a pratfall-prone professor and a portly purveyor of penny-dreadfuls! But now, let us prepare for the ultimate test subject.. a human being!
- Professor Frink: But it's only been tested on inorganic material! I beg you to reconsider a lot!
- Mr. Burns: Oh, pish-tosh and poppycock! Don't be such a nervous nellie!
- Waylon Smithers: All systems are go, sir. Today's the day we make [GASP] a man!
- Mr. Burns: Excellent! You've shown a particular enthusiasm for the project that is most commendable, Smithers!
- Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Doesn't ring a bell. Tell me, how did you convince him to volunteer?
- Smithers: Actually, we just told him [chortle] he was getting a new photo I.D.!
- Professor Frink: Gentlemen, I've taken the liberty of inviting my esteemed colleague, Dr. Julius Hibbert, to observe. He's not only a respected member of the medical community, he's my ride home [g-hoy]!
- Dr. Hibbert: I'd also be quite useful in the event of a tragic mishap! A-hee-hee-hee!
- Professor Frink: Here's hoping we are able to create an amiable sort of mutant, rather than one possessing those monster-like tendencies with the rampaging and the dismemberment!
- Smithers: Even non-living matter needs a place to stay! My guestroom hasn't been touched since Staceycon 2000!
- Homer: So to recap, he's 29... single but looking, we're kinda related and he's from a top-secret project down at work I'm not allowed to talk about so don't ask me. Now, can we please watch some TV?
