Burns' Bucket List
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Bucket List[edit]
- Have a hurricane named after me.
- Develop a fragrance that smells like condescension.
- Get a tan.
- Make my first gazillion dollars.
- Own exclusive rights to the word "excellent."
- Dance the "Grizzly Bear" with ZaSu Pitts one more time.
- Discover a way to genetically modify nuclear power.
- Complete my collection of every existing copy of Action Comics #1.
- Burn every existing copy of Action Comics #1 in front of an audience at San Diego's annual comical booklet convocation.
- Write a children's book about Loafo, the little circus bear who was shipped for not giving his trainer a full forty hours of adorable bear antics per week.
- Find a way around the minimum wage.
- Run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, carried on piggyback by Smithers.
- Buy the phrases "global warming" and "climate change" and prevent anyone from using them ever again.
- Come up with a "Burnsie scheme" to supplant the popular "Ponzi scheme."
- Enter into a wagering compact with a fellow billionaire to ruin Smithers and elevate a common hoodlum to his position in order to prove something or other.
- Clone the extinct Tasmanian tiger from DNA, hunt it, kill it, and have its head mounted and hung on my wall.
- Buy the Environmental Protection Agency and rename it the Environmental Profit Administration.
- Exact my revenge on Maggie Simpson.
- Declare the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant a right-to-work state.
- Have my spine taken out and oiled.
- Say "Release the hounds!" over the public address system at the start of the Belmont dog races.
- Get one of my lackeys to go slumming for me.
- Set up a puppet regime somewhere.
- Produce a remake of the film The China Syndrome that shows the positive side of a near nuclear meltdown.
- Have my caricature done by "Vitch" and displayed on the wall of the Brown Derby eatery.
- Donate $50 million to fund a study on why ppor people are staving.
- Have my middle name legally changed to "Warbucks."
- Nail the euphonium solo from the "Shoe Tickler Rag."
- Keep a meal down completely.
- Determine once and for all how many houses I own.
