Batter-Up Bart/Quotes
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- Bart: Dad! I have a game on Saturday! You gotta buy me a new glove!
- Homer: Sorry, no can do. I spent my whole pay check renting this woodchipper.
- Bart: What for?
- Homer: I was getting tired of those little jars of salsa! They never give you enough. [pours a barrel of vegetables into the woodchipper] See that? Now that's a man-sized quantity for man-sized dipping!
- Lisa: We tried our best, Bart. Twenty-three to one isn't so awful. At least we weren't shut out.
- Bart: We lost one hundred and twenty-three to one! The scoreboard doesn't go up that high!
- League coordinator: I'm sorry kids, if you don't have an adult coach, you can't have a team.
- Lisa: I'm sure my dad would love to coach us, sir.
- Bart: Lisa, Homer gets winded just marking a baseball scorecard.
- Professor Frink: Now see here young Bart, if I can operate a super collider while computing quantum mechanics, I can certainly coach a baseball team! Now show me your team's ice rink!
- Professor Frink: Greetings, team. You'll notice all your equipment has been custom built according to your individual "ragtag levels" and rates of misfit-ism [ng-hey]. Each one of your baseball gloves comes equipped with its own mini-computer and wireless Internet connection.
- Martin Prince: Coach, I'm already getting spam.
- Professor Frink: Unavoidable, I'm afraid.
- Ned Flanders: Hey, Homer, a dab of the salsa would really make our nachos scrum-diddly-umptious!
- Homer: Get scrum-diddly-bent, Flanders.
- Ned: You betcha!
- Rod Flanders: God will protect me if something bad happens, right?
- Professor Frink: If God remembers the laws of thermodynamics, then yes.
