Bart Simpson's Creepy Crawly Tales: "The Collector"/Quotes
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- Bart: Greetings, all you coagulating comics fans! It's your blood-curdling buddy Bart Simpson here, with a traumatizing four-color fright. Do you get a thrill out of tracking down a near-mint treasure? Does your happy little heart palpitate with pleasure when you purchase a rare back issue? Well, you may want to reconsider when you read this! I call it... The Collector!
- The Collector: The pork chops were slightly overcooked, Smedley. Do it again and you're fired.
- Smedley: Very good, sir.
- The Collector: [remembering] The owner of the local comics shop refused to negotiate on the price—until I threatened to tell the Vice Squad that he was selling Betty Page trading cards to minors. We settled on 10% of guide.
- Bart: [narrating] One day, a fateful event causes an alteration in The Collector's beloved routine—his faithful butler Smedley takes a weekend off to visit his aging mother!
- Smedley: Goodbye, sir. I shall see you on Monday.
- The Collector: [thinking] Lousy ingrate! I pay his salary for 14 years, and he repays me by deserting me for two days!
- Bart: [narrating] Smedley gazes into the vault and suddenly realizes what has driven his master mad. The shelves are empty, and on the floor is a giant pile of ashes. In order to keep from freezing to death, The Collector had to burn his entire comic collection!
- Bart: That little saga certainly left me with a warm glow! After that way-cool experience, I guess the ol' master will be lucky if he can even collect his wits! That's all for now, scream-fiends! Until next time, see you in the funny pages!
