Difference between revisions of "Homer's Colonoscopy/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get. | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get. | ||
{{qf|[[Homer]]}} You're having your boobs [[Made-up words#Embiggen|embiggened]]? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be. | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} You're having your boobs [[Made-up words#Embiggen|embiggened]]? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be. | ||
| − | {{qf|Marge}} ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{ | + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[grumbles]'' No, you're getting a {{W|Colonoscopy|colonoscopy}}. |
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, that's wonderful! Pardon me for a moment. | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, that's wonderful! Pardon me for a moment. | ||
:''[Homer puts on reading glasses and picks up a medical dictionary.]'' | :''[Homer puts on reading glasses and picks up a medical dictionary.]'' | ||
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{{qf|Homer}} ''[indignant]'' That bar bet paid for the camera removal! | {{qf|Homer}} ''[indignant]'' That bar bet paid for the camera removal! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Colorectal surgeon]]}} Welcome to the {{ | + | {{qf|[[Colorectal surgeon]]}} Welcome to the {{W|Mayo Clinic}}. |
{{qf|Homer}} [[Mmm...]] mayo. | {{qf|Homer}} [[Mmm...]] mayo. | ||
{{qf|Doctor}} I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and— | {{qf|Doctor}} I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and— | ||
{{qf|Homer}} ''[interrupting]'' Are we gonna talk or make a movie! | {{qf|Homer}} ''[interrupting]'' Are we gonna talk or make a movie! | ||
{{qf|Doctor}} Now, Homer, breathe into this mask. | {{qf|Doctor}} Now, Homer, breathe into this mask. | ||
| − | :''[The {{ | + | :''[The {{W|Anesthesiologist|anesthesiologist}} holds the mask out to Homer, but Homer is already asleep and snoring.]'' |
{{qf|Doctor}} He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. ''[chuckles]'' Almost. | {{qf|Doctor}} He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. ''[chuckles]'' Almost. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Marge}} Will he be all right, Doctor? | {{qf|Marge}} Will he be all right, Doctor? | ||
| − | {{qf|Doctor}} Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{ | + | {{qf|Doctor}} Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— ''[cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks]'' Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my {{W|Sistine Chapel}}! This is my {{W2|Moby Dick|whale}}! This is my ''[[Sergeant Pepper|Sergeant Pepper's]]''— ''[pulls out a ''Sergeant Pepper'' music CD]'' How did '''that''' get in there?! |
{{qf|Marge}} ''[angry, looking at large monitor on cart]'' Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished! | {{qf|Marge}} ''[angry, looking at large monitor on cart]'' Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished! | ||
{{qf|Doctor}} ''[looking up from camera monitor]'' According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. ''[makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]'' | {{qf|Doctor}} ''[looking up from camera monitor]'' According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. ''[makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]'' | ||
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---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Homer}} I feel great! ''[stands up on the examination table]'' Once there was a mountain, now there's a breeze! Hallelujah! | {{qf|Homer}} I feel great! ''[stands up on the examination table]'' Once there was a mountain, now there's a breeze! Hallelujah! | ||
| − | :''[Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from {{ | + | :''[Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from {{W|George Frideric Handel|Handel}}'s ''{{W2|Messiah|Handel}}''. The medical students observing the procedure from the overhead gallery join in.]'' |
{{qf|Homer}} Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To [[Krusty Burger]]! ''[He heads for the door.]'' | {{qf|Homer}} Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To [[Krusty Burger]]! ''[He heads for the door.]'' | ||
{{qf|Doctor}} Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you! | {{qf|Doctor}} Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you! | ||
Latest revision as of 20:13, October 15, 2021
- Marge: Homer, I've gotten you the most important gift a man your age can get.
- Homer: You're having your boobs embiggened? You don't have to. They're fine just the way they'll be.
- Marge: [grumbles] No, you're getting a colonoscopy.
- Homer: Oh, that's wonderful! Pardon me for a moment.
- [Homer puts on reading glasses and picks up a medical dictionary.]
- Homer: [reading from dictionary] "A colonoscopy is an endoscopic examination of the large—" [moans in frustration] Ohhh, I don't understand!
- Marge: They stick a camera up your "uh-oh", but this time you won't be doing it to win a bar bet.
- Homer: [indignant] That bar bet paid for the camera removal!
- Colorectal surgeon: Welcome to the Mayo Clinic.
- Homer: Mmm... mayo.
- Doctor: I'm glad you're here, Homer. Early detection can lead to complete removal of tumorous polyps and—
- Homer: [interrupting] Are we gonna talk or make a movie!
- Doctor: Now, Homer, breathe into this mask.
- [The anesthesiologist holds the mask out to Homer, but Homer is already asleep and snoring.]
- Doctor: He's asleep. I almost feel guilty about charging him for the anesthesia. [chuckles] Almost.
- Marge: Will he be all right, Doctor?
- Doctor: Listen. Don't worry. I've done hundreds of these and— [cuts himself off as the assistant uncovers Homer's buttocks] Good Lord. This ass is why I became a doctor! This is my Sistine Chapel! This is my Moby Dick! This is my Sergeant Pepper's— [pulls out a Sergeant Pepper music CD] How did that get in there?!
- Marge: [angry, looking at large monitor on cart] Here's his wedding band! He told me he was getting it polished!
- Doctor: [looking up from camera monitor] According to this, he has three active polyps. Now comes the fun part. [makes scissors-snipping gesture with his fingers]
- Marge: You cut them out?
- Doctor: Oh, we don't use that term. We prefer "rip".
- Homer: I feel great! [stands up on the examination table] Once there was a mountain, now there's a breeze! Hallelujah!
- [Homer starts singing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's Messiah. The medical students observing the procedure from the overhead gallery join in.]
- Homer: Let's take this new colon out for a spin! To Krusty Burger! [He heads for the door.]
- Doctor: Mr. Simpson, the camera's still inside you!
- Homer: I'll return it after Lisa's recital. Hallelujah!
- [Homer leaves the room, pulling the monitor cart behind him by the camera cable.]
- Voice-over: Not a dramatization. This is footage of an actual colonoscopy.
