Bart the Murderer/Quotes

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Quotes

	Season Episode
← 038 "When Flanders Failed"	"Bart the Murderer/Quotes"	"Homer Defined" 040 →

A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer.

Reporter: People have been demanding to know what will happen about the resulting tobacco shortage in Springfield.

Chief Wiggum: I will now turn it over to a spokesman from Laramie Cigarettes.

Laramie Spokesman: I am sorry to hear of the hijacking. To make up for this Laramie Tobacco has sent a new truck to Springfield, and the driver has been specifically instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.

Audience: YAY!

---

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?

(Fat) Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?

Bart: No.

Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?

Bart: Uh uh.

Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?

Bart: I guess that's okay.

Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?

Bart: Hell, no!

---

Bart's nightmare. Bart is running in an open field. An undead Skinner comes out of his grave.

Skinner's Ghost: You killed me Bart!

Bart runs to a shack near a cliff and opens the door. There he sees an undead Skinner who was lynched.

Skinner's Ghost: You killed me Bart!

Bart then finds himself in an unnamed prison, which has a neon sign that flashes like a discotechque

Sign: DEATH HOUSE.

A mob of angry people have come to see Bart's execution, among them Homer.

Homer: Yeah! Fry my boy!

Cell. In the only quiet part of dream, a prison guard lets Reverend Lovejoy into Bart's cell.

Bart: Reverend Lovejoy? Have you come to give me my condolences?

Reverend Lovejoy: As a matter of tradition more than anything.

Reverend Lovejoy pats Bart's shoulder ½-heartedly.

Reverend Lovejoy{wooden}: There, there. There, there.

Electric chair. Bart is strapped to electric chair and executioner pulls switch. The horror of being executied sufficienly scares Bart awake.

Bart: AAAUUUGH!