Bart the Murderer/Quotes
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- A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect
- Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer.
- Reporter: People have been demanding to know what will happen about the resulting tobacco shortage in Springfield.
- Chief Wiggum: I will now turn it over to a spokesman from Laramie Cigarettes.
- Laramie Spokesman: I am sorry to hear of the hijacking. To make up for this Laramie Tobacco has sent a new truck to Springfield, and the driver has been specifically instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
- Audience: YAY!
- Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
- Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
- Bart: No.
- Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
- Bart: Uh uh.
- Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
- Bart: I guess that's okay.
- Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
- Bart: Hell, no!
