Burns' Bucket List

Burns' Bucket List is a list of thirty things Mr. Burns intends to do "before I depart this earthly realm".

Bucket List

1. Have a hurricane named after me.
2. Develop a fragrance that smells like condescension.
3. Get a tan.
4. Make my first gazillion dollars.
5. Own exclusive rights to the word "excellent."
6. Dance the "Grizzly Bear" with ZaSu Pitts one more time.
7. Discover a way to genetically modify nuclear power.
8. Complete my collection of every existing copy of Action Comics #1.
9. Burn every existing copy of Action Comics #1 in front of an audience at San Diego's annual comical booklet convocation.
10. Write a children's book about Loafo, the little circus bear who was shipped for not giving his trainer a full forty hours of adorable bear antics per week.
11. Find a way around the minimum wage.
12. Run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, carried on piggyback by Smithers.
13. Buy the phrases "global warming" and "climate change" and prevent anyone from using them ever again.
14. Come up with a "Burnsie scheme" to supplant the popular "Ponzi scheme."
15. Enter into a wagering compact with a fellow billionaire to ruin Smithers and elevate a common hoodlum to his position in order to prove something or other.
16. Clone the extinct Tasmanian tiger from DNA, hunt it, kill it, and have its head mounted and hung on my wall.
17. Buy the Environmental Protection Agency and rename it the Environmental Profit Administration.
18. Exact my revenge on Maggie Simpson.
19. Declare the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant a right-to-work state.
20. Have my spine taken out and oiled.
21. Say "Release the hounds!" over the public address system at the start of the Belmont dog races.
22. Get one of my lackeys to go slumming for me.
23. Set up a puppet regime somewhere.
24. Produce a remake of the film The China Syndrome that shows the positive side of a near nuclear meltdown.
25. Have my caricature done by "Vitch" and displayed on the wall of the Brown Derby eatery.
26. Donate $50 million to fund a study on why ppor people are staving.
27. Have my middle name legally changed to "Warbucks."
28. Nail the euphonium solo from the "Shoe Tickler Rag."
29. Keep a meal down completely.
30. Determine once and for all how many houses I own.

Appearances

• Book – C. Montgomery Burns' Handbook of World Domination