Homer Simpson's Handy Portable Excuses Card

Homer Simpson's Handy Portable Excuses Card is three portable excuses card by Homer that is including in Homer Simpson's Little Book of Laziness.

Excuses Card

Favors such as helping a friend move, watching the neighbor's kids, or reading an associate's screenplay

1. That's not really in my wheelhouse.
2. I would, but I'm allergic to (something having to do with the request).
3. I've been diagnosed with halitosis.
4. I have a herniated ass bone.
5. Today is a religious holiday, the feast of the Somnambulant intermission.
6. Amazing! My horoscope warned me against doing this very thing!
7. I'm supposed to do a favor for the pope that day.
8. My boss considers that moonlighting, even if I don't get paid to do it.
9. I sprained my uterus.
10. Sure, but first my lawyer requires that you sign a form releasing me from all responsibility. He should be in touch with you in a week or two.

Family duties such as reading a bedtime story, helping with the dishes, or attending a parent-teacher conference

1. I would gladly do this, but I have temporary amnesia. What was the question again?
2. I read a report that says successful parents/spouses should never do (whatever the duty is).
3. I have the heartbreak of psoriasis.
4. It's that time of the month.
5. I have a braineurism.
6. I'm afraid that's above my pay grade.
7. I have iron-poor blood.
8. I need to spend some quality time with the dog, and the dog wants to watch TV.
9. I believe it takes a village to do that.
10. Remember the old adage: If you want something done right, do it yourself!

Social obligations such as delivering a eulogy, attending a friend's community theater production, or building a house for poor people

1. After that tragic incident that last time, I promised my wife/husband/Self I would never (whatever the requested favour is) again!
2. An old foosball injury is flaring up.
3. I just had hangnail surgery.
4. I have temporary blindness.
5. I already committed to a barn-raising in amish country that day.
6. I'm politically opposed to (whatever the request is).
7. (Performing the requested task) is against my religion.
8. I must warn you, I have tourette's syndrome, you @$$#O!!%!
9. You have mistaken me for my evil twin.
10. I'd love to, but in case I don't show up, I'ts because my car broke down.