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Hans Moleman (also known as Ralph Melish) is a 4ft 4 in, 140lb mole-like man with extremely bad luck.

Although apparently elderly, Hans Moleman once claimed that he was only 31 years old (his driver's license says he was born August 2, 1961), but due to his heavy drinking, he appears much older. He has cataracts and is almost entirely blind (which has severely impaired his reading ability) and has used medical marijuana. He carries a brown cane with him everywhere, which was once shown to contain a hidden sword.

Hans was once mistaken for Bart and accidentally "de-programmed" (Homer and Marge had hired a cult de-programmer, hoping to convince Bart to move out of Mr. Burns' mansion and back in with them), apparently leading him to believe he is the son of Homer and Marge. At one time, it was revealed that Hans Moleman slept with Lars Ulrich's grandmother, and is considered by Metallica to be a "real fan".

Homer once stumbled across Hans Moleman as the leader of a race of Mole People in an underground fortress complete with earthquake machines.