The Burger Kings of Comedy!/Quotes
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- Homer: As god is my witness... ...I'll never go hungry for waffles again!
- Lisa: Organic alfalfa sprouts and bean curd hummus on a Bulgar wheat croissant. What are your guys eating?
- Ralph Wiggum: A Mr. Teeny Burger.
- Üter Zörker: A delicious chocolate Krustyshake.
- Janey Powell: Sideshow Fries.
- Lisa: Huh? But where did you--? Oh no! Our school has been co-opted by corporate America!
- Homer: You crooked clown! I was promised I'd be the only Krustyburger for one point three miles!
- Krusty the Clown: You are! You are! Those are related business. A Krustyburger Express, a Krustyaco Hut and a P.J. Mackrustydoodles.
- Homer: You cheated me!
- Krusty: Listen, I'm just a colorful shill. You need to speak to my legal brain.
- Marge: But your place could be better than Krusty's on the other corners.
- Homer: No it can't, Marge!
- Marge: That's just the defeatest in you talking.
- Homer: To prevent competition between franchises, they all have to be exactly the same. It's all in this binder that I pretended to read before singing away all of our futures.
- Lisa: You're right, dad. This is a manifesto that legally binds the owner to levels of mediocrity the public school stystem could only dream of. It says if you make any improvements, you lost the restaurant and the money we put into it.
- Homer: You're smart, Lisa. You invented Velcro.
- Lisa: No I didn't.
- Homer: You showed me how to use Velcro.
- Lisa: What do you want from me?
- Homer: You're our only hope! Read the manual study it!
- Lisa: But why?
- Homer: A loophole! Find me a loophole!
- Lunchlady Doris: Mr. Simpson, I'm the answer to your prayers.
- Homer: Yuh-yeah?
- Lunchlady Doris: You think you've lowered your standards as far as they can go, but you haven't.
- Homer: There are luh-lower standards?
- Lunchlady Doris: Government standards, Mr. Simpson! Government standards.
