Difference between revisions of "D'oh-lice Academy/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 16:07, December 9, 2021

Lisa: Mr. Hurlbut?! From the Springfield Historical Society?

Chief Wiggum: What are you doing here?

Hollis Hurlbut: Congratulating Mr. Simpson, chief. You see, he has just broken a hundred-year-old record!

Homer: I did?

Hollis Hurlbut: Yes. While in that tank, you held your breath for seven minutes and one secnod!

Chief Wiggum: Wonderful. Can I arrest him now?

Hollis Hurlbut: Mr. Simpson's feat is quite historic. Are you familiar with Obadiah Cheeks Wilmington?

Homer: Was he the lead singer for Blues Traveler?

Homer: Wow, Mr. Wolfcastle! I'm impressed at how fast you got this thing up to... 72 MPH! And in a school zone, no less!

Rainer Wolfcastle: My apologies. But I am late for a massage... for my pot-bellied pig.

Homer: Well, I still have to write you up.

Rainer Wolfcastle: But this will be my twenty-first strike! I will lose my license!

Homer: Isn't it just three strikes?

Rainer Wolfcastle: When you're a celebrity, tickets are counted like dog years.

Rainer Wolfcastle: You with the contraband! Freeze!

Fat Tony: It's the fuzz! But how did you know about my illegal ice-shaving racket?

Homer: We got an inside tip...

Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips?!

Johnny Tightlips: Sorry, boss. But sometimes I just need to talk to some-body about my issues.

Lenny Leonard: And I'm a wonderful listener.

Fat Tony: Much like our illegal snow cones, my heart is chipping away into many broken pieces.

Lenny: There, there. Lenny's listening.

Waylon Smithers: I've got to say, Clancy, there have been no accidents since you've taken over! Nice work!

Chief Wiggum: I guess I'm finally motivated! Unlike being police chief, a safety inspector can actually make a difference!

Homer: Well, I guess this town might be safer with you in charge, Wiggy. Just promise not to work too hard.

Chief Wiggum: Easiest promise I ever made!

Waylon Smithers: But, chief! The plant has never been safer! You can't just walk away!

Chief Wiggum: Sorry, Mr. Smithers. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't argue with an archaic statue from the town charter.