Difference between revisions of "Shirker Image"

Revision as of 18:20, March 18, 2020

Shirker Image is a mail order company founded by Chester J. Lampwick. Lampwick introduces the catalog as dedicated to "making the art of laziness as easy and convenient as possible for our customers". In keeping with the company's raison d'être, Lampwick and his colleagues farm out all the real work to a vast network of overachievers, while the only work they do is "count [their] money and dream of new and better ways to fritter away the day".

Products

Image Product Price Purpose Holo-Pants Projector $999.99 To avoid the inconvenience of wearing pants at work. Selective Hearing Headphones $399.99 To eliminate undesirable sounds such as barking or nagging, while still being able to hear important things like the microwave and the TV. The Intentionally Malfunctioning Alarm Clock $69.99 To provide a ready excuse ("My alarm didn't go off!") for sleeping in on the weekends or anytime. Inspirational Paperweight Flask $39.99 To transform a work desk into a well-stocked (and well-disguised) bar. Edible Tie $59.99 To always have a snack handy without having to wait for a coffee break. Fantasy Football Dummy Graph $89.99 To keep track of your fantasy football teams and players at work by disguising your chart as a job-related graph. The Better Phony Cast $129.99 To win sympathy (and face time with the ladies) at the ski lodge by pretending to have a broken leg. Deluxe Landspeeder Speed Shoes $349.99 To effortlessly glide along the beach while avoiding the discomfort of scorching sand. Reversible Theme Park Maintenance Uniform with Collapsible Ride Closure Sign $199.99 To bypass long lines at amusement park rides by switching to the maintenance uniform and closing the ride; then, after the line has disappeared, switching back to tourist attire and walking right onto the ride. Utilitowel $169.99 To avoid chores (due to wearing only a towel) while enjoying the convenience of having your leisure time accessories close at hand. LCD HD Nap Glasses $299.99 To create the illusion of being wide awake while you are actually napping. Satellite Radio Museum Headphones $129.99 To enjoy your favorite radio programs while appearing to be listening to the museum tour. Poomba $599.99 To clean up the dog's "business" in the yard. MMORPG Office Jargon Code Book $69.99 To communicate with fellow office gamers without being caught by the boss.

Behind the Laughter

• The catalog is a parody of The Sharper Image.
• The Poomba is a parody of the Roomba.

Appearances

• Book – Homer Simpson's Little Book of Laziness