Difference between revisions of "The Otto Show/Quotes"

Revision as of 12:47, July 23, 2010

Otto's apartment. Otto cannot open the door, and is oblivious to the sign on it.

Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. YOU ARE ASKED TO VACATE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.

Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks.

Landlord: Yeah, can't you read? The sign says eviction notice. I am evicting you on account of you losing your job and you can no longer afford rent.

Otto: Well, can't I at least get stuff?

Landlord: I already got all your personal possessions for you. Your entire inventory consisisted of a couple of psycho magazines and a jar of mustard.

Otto: I do not believe it!...I have mustard?

Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.

Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?

Marge: No.

Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view?

Marge: No.

Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?

Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.

Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.

(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)

Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.

(Otto stops.)

Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.

Homer: That's better.

Patty: Hello, my name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you are doing well I use the green pen. When you are doing poorly I use the red pen. Any questions?

Otto: You were a man once, were you not? You can tell me, I am open minded.

Patty drops green pen.

Patty: I will not be needing this.

Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.

Otto: Wow! What's the catch?

Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.

Marge: What conversation?

Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!

Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?

Marge: That's not my voice!

Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.

Marge: I know we did not ask for this Homer, but does not the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?"

Homer: I think it also says "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut."

Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.

Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality

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